How to spot a fuckboy in Southampton

Girls, they’re everywhere

Their Instagram is full of gym selfies

You go to the gym, I don’t need to see pictures of your pathetic arms to understand that. Stop posting selfies of you in the mirror pouting and lifting 2kg. It’s embarrassing, not hot.

They probably think they’re a BNOC

Hate to break it to you, hun, but just because you’re the kit sec of American football or the social sec for an intramural rugby team doesn’t mean every girl knows who you are. One girl remembered your name one time, and it was only because she couldn’t get rid of you in the Jesters smoking area. Calm down.

They can be found exclusively in the urban room of Oceana

They’re probably obliviously grinding on a helpless girl while her friends attempt to form a protective circle around her. Boys, we’ve all been there and we’re laughing at you. Take a hint.


They sit on level one of Hartley on tinder 

You fucked and chucked a girl you met on tinder last night after you downed 4 quadvods, we get it. No need to broadcast it to the entire floor, some of us are trying to have a mental breakdown over here.

‘You still up?’ 

Oh, the telltale mating call of a fuckboy. We’ve all received this message, and it’s probably followed by how cold he is in his student house, or how much he hates sleeping alone. We see right through you.

They wear only Team Southampton stash 

We get it, you play sports. Buy some new clothes.