Lad Spotting On Campus: Part 1, Can You Spot Them All?

It’s clear to see elsewhere on The Tab that we’ve had some very male dominated views on the student population in Southampton. To give the other side of the coin we asked our very own Imogen Carr to take a look at Southampton through the eyes of its female population…

After spending 9 months in Southampton, I have discovered that there are 5 types of Lad:

The Drunk Football Fan

We're fat, We're Loud, We roll along the ground... Or words to that effect

Usually found outside their natural watering-hole The Stile (or any boozing venue with a TV for that matter) shouting ‘Oi, Blondie’ at passers-by during half time, the Drunk Football Fan is a common sight across our footie-obsessed nation. No girl will ever be able to understand just exactly what it is about football that captures their heartstrings in a way we never could, but something about the Great Game hits their spot like nothing else. It’s almost kind of sweet how choked up they can get about everything, bless ’em! With the European Championships kicking off in a few weeks, expect to see more Drunk Football Fans stumbling around in pubs near you (just make sure you don’t stand in front of the screen during a penalty final).

The Douchebag

I'm so pretty, look at me pulling my duckface....

Everybody knows the Douchebag. He spends most of his time at Uni in the gym. Nobody knows what he actually studies. Often he’s the one gazing lovingly into his own eyes as he flexes in the mirrors by the free weights and walking round in the Jack Wills trackies and t-shirt showing his lovingly waxed chest. Often he has a picture of himself topless as his facebook profile picture. He’s also the first to suggest going out almost every night hoping to get laid, taking the girl back to his place to show off to his flatmates, but makes her leave as soon as the deed is done. Classy.

The Player

The epitome of a LAD - a massive prick!

Unfortunately, since our society is so submerged in Lad culture the Douchebag has been known by other males as ‘The Player’. Despite sleeping around more than The Whore, the Player is actually applauded for his sluttiness. No one says that he should be avoided or disgraced. Often heard shouting around clubs by groups of guys on a “pussy hunt” when one of the group has done something particularly ‘Laddish’. Unlike the Douchebag, the Player spends more time making out with most of the females in Jesters before puking in the doorway. Needless to say, he spends the night sleeping on his mate’s floor instead of getting laid.

The Nerd

Nerds are NEVER this attractive in real life...

A prevalent person on Southampton campus. They are averse to sunlight, with even their own lecturers of the opinion they need some sunlight from time to time. Instead they spend all their time immersed into the world of computer games. Overheard conversations are often incredibly bizarre and impossible to understand. They reaffirm the fact that The Big Bang Theory is a TV program as they are never seen with anyone even vaguely approaching Amy Farrah Fowler attractiveness let alone Penny. They also have an aversion to washing, with hair longer than many females and much greasier. Look out for posters around ECS reminding them to wash during the Summer and wear a peg whilst in close contact.

The Lazy Sod

Standard Operating Procedure for this LAD

Probably doing a humanities degree that consists of around four contact hours a week. They will often bitch and moan about this to the rest of their flat/house much to the annoyance of friends. Goes out drinking most nights and stays in bed until midday at the earliest. Eats nothing other than takeaways as cooking healthy food takes too much effort. During the exam period they are often the people filling the spaces in the Library (especially the freshers) as they complain to anyone who would listen that these multiple choice exams are very difficult and they must have lots of sympathy bestowed upon them, leading many non lazy students to want to batter them into the floor of whichever library level they’re on…

What do you think? Are there any we’ve missed?