The People in Your Halls

Flatmates all follow set stereotypes…..

You’re young, innocent and you’ve just started Freshers’ Week. Maybe you checked out the types of accommodation when you visited the university, but maybe you didn’t. Either way you’re probably nervous about the people you’ll be living with for the next year. So here’s the guide to the people in your halls:


They often act much older then they are to drag everyone else through the year.....

The Parent

This person will almost certainly be the lead tenant in your house next year, and it will be of great comfort to have them sorting out your rent and internet. For now though, this is the person who comes to check up on you when you’re ill or hungover. They will always offer to make you tea and potentially dinner as well. They will remember your complaints and ask you how they are progressing. They’ll remind you about deadlines or exams. If you are unlucky they may also attempt to wake you up for morning lectures but you’ll appreciate this later.


A vampire like Blade, just not as cool!!

The one you’ll never see

It is as if this person operates on a different time zone. You are yet to see them in daylight, or on a night out. They’re door is permanently locked and you are unsure of what goes on in there. If, for some reason, you wake up unusually early you might see them eating dinner or perhaps heading to bed.  Many people will suspect that they are a vampire or allergic to sunlight but evidence of this is hard to find.


Just a small selection of the flyers they collected at the Freshers Fayre

The one who signs up for everything

If you were wowed by the Bunfight you’ll have probably signed up for at least fifty different societies; and you’ll spend the rest of the year deleting the majority of e-mails you receive from them. For one person however, they have every intention of attending every meeting, training and social. This is another person that you will rarely, if ever, see. At most you’ll enjoy fleeting glimpses whilst they dash off to an event up at Highfield or Wide Lane. They may well ask you to come along or invite you to multiple events (which you’ll politely agree to even though you both know that you won’t be going).


Are they on or off? The flat constantly discusses behind their back!

The couple

They spent the first night of Freshers’ Week together and everyone will spend the rest of the year wondering whether they are or aren’t officially together. At least one of them had a boyfriend/girlfriend when they arrived at Uni and will continue to talk to them frequently. Nights out with them will begin to feel like Groundhog Day as they have deep and meaningful conversations amongst themselves or with you about their true feelings for each other. Only when you are absolutely certain that they are an official couple will one of their exes will turn up and reset the whole situation.


Vomcanoe yah!

The one who likes ‘banter’

This is the person who teaches you all the drinking games. Unfortunately they don’t just limit games to when you are drinking. He or she will force you to do press ups every time you say ‘mine’ and will also ‘moral’ you into fulfilling unrealistic tasks you committed to sarcastically. Whenever The Couple are present they will subtly employ The Awkward Turtle until the situation actually becomes too awkward for you to handle. They will call everyone a ‘Lad’ and describe anything as ‘Banter’. Whilst you drunkenly half-sing halls songs on the bus to Jesters or Oceana, they are fully screaming them in the face of the nearest and smallest member of the opposing halls.


Sometimes geek goes a little too far, its only 40% after all!!

The one who works all the time

This person is almost always in their meticulously tidy room. They are reading something academic that loosely involves their course. This person is like a walking thesaurus and will offer antiquated synonyms for everyday words. This person probably knows more about your course than you do whilst you haven’t a clue about anything pertaining to theirs. During exam season they’re at the library before it opens and will stay until it closes.



Bombsite is a tactical way of putting across the state of their room!

The one who never works

This person is always in their catastrophic and Chernobyl-like room. They will never wake up before midday and won’t attend lectures regardless. They will strategize as to which essays they actually need to complete and will always start them the night before the deadline. You have no idea what they study. Their room is unofficially the chill-out room where everyone watches box-sets and old Disney films. Ironically this person always seems to have money to go out and will often embark on spontaneous and extravagant trips to exotic destinations like Bruges. They may well not know where the library is or how to take books from it.