Poshest places to pee on campus

The humdrum of campus life, with a constant flow of familiar faces, doesn’t allow for much solitude and self-reflection, making the toilet experience Egham’s equivalent to a spa retreat. W.C. quality is vital to enjoying the precious moments of tranquility you get on the loo, so here’s a selection of the best bogs on campus.

Each of the toilets will be judged out of 5 on overall cleanliness, location and toilet quality to help you on your way to finding your favourite porcelain throne.

Disclaimer: sorry boys, but this guide is mainly targeted towards girls, partly because I didn’t want to get a police warning for venturing into male toilets but mainly because urinals both confuse and intimidate me.

Founder’s reception

Unlike a number of toilets in Founders, i.e. top floor of library, these toilets are pretty recently refurbished, actually flush and are a treat to be in. Despite being next to the main entrance to Founders, they’re usually surprisingly quiet which means you can really relax and unwind to the gentle hum of the Dyson Airblade.

Soft lighting is also a godsend following a tough day of lectures or, alternatively, after sitting in Crosslands gorging on pizza slices with a stinking hangover. Even if you’ve played truant all day, you’ll still feel gorgeous.

The only word of warning is to avoid this bathroom at all costs after big nights on campus, as the sleek wood panelling is usually accompanied by a pungent aroma of vomit, which can make the experience much less zen.

Cleanliness: 3.5/5

Location: 3/5

Toilet quality: 5/5

TOTAL: 11.5/15 

Boiler house

The newly opened Boiler House is a hidden treasure in the Roho toilet scene. Spacious and modern, you’ll forget you’ve still got six hours of lectures to go to and will instead be transported into a luxury world which wouldn’t be out of place in a three star hotel.

Despite its new interior, the Boiler House’s towering chimneys tend to scare students who’ve never entered the building, thinking they’ll stumble into a Victorian workhouse rather than a lecture theatre. This is especially valuable if you have any “troubles”, meaning you can sit happy and nobody will find you.

Top marks also for cleanliness, as it’s not often you find a public bathroom which is cleaner than the manky Tupperware you use for your packed lunch. There were no makeup smears, wads of toilet paper or even stray hairs so big shout out to the cleaners in charge of this bathroom: Kim and Aggie would be proud.

Cleanliness: 5/5

Location: 5/5

Toilet quality: 5/5

TOTAL: 15/15 

International building: Top floor

More secluded and cleaner than its first and ground floor counterparts, the top floor toilets are worth the extra stairs even if you’re left with a slight pant and a lick of forehead sweat.

There may be more modern and fancier toilets on campus, but the stand out feature is the full-length mirror so you can check out how good you look in those hot new shoes you bought with your first loan instalment.

Cleanliness: 3/5

Location: 4/5

Toilet quality: 3/5

TOTAL: 10/15

Students’ Union

Probably a controversial choice, but the SU toilets are often overlooked for daytime use. If the SU toilets were a friend, they’d be the kind of person who is always there for you in hard times, a bit of a good-time-gal and always smelling of VK chun and regret. However, if you can get over this one flaw they’ll treat you right.

If you’re wanting some alone time, they’re usually empty through the day, which means you can personally select the cleanest toilet then spend as much time as you please relaxing and trying not to think about the many questionable things which have been done in that cubicle.

Cleanliness: 3/5

Location: 4/5

Toilet quality: 3.5/5

TOTAL: 10.5/15

Windsor building

If you avoid the Windsor building toilets until after 5pm, the whole place is basically your domain to do whatever you want in. This is probably why sometimes you walk in the loos to find the doors hanging off and the sanitary bins strewn all over the place, but at least it’s peaceful.

The fittings are modern, the lighting is good and they’re always somehow relatively clean. A definite old faithful in the realm of toilet trips.

Cleanliness: 3/5

Location: 3/5

Toilet quality: 3/5

TOTAL:9/15