How to get served quickly at the SU bar

It’s Friday night and you’re in the SU dancing to some obscure house music you’ve never heard of. Your friend has left you to go and get off with that guy she saw in the campus shop and you realise your cup is empty. It’s time to face the wall of humans between you and that vodka coke you want so badly. Fear not, this is your foolproof way to get served quickly at the SU and Medicine bars.

It can get a little crowded…

Position

If you hide behind the beer taps, or stand at the end of the bar about three meters away from the nearest till, it’s likely you won’t get served for a while. The bar staff need to be able to see you to serve you. The optimum place to stand (at both Medicine and the SU) is in front of a till in plain sight. As soon as they’ve finished serving their last customer they’ll look up and there you are, ready and waiting with a smug smile on your face.

The SU bar (minus hundreds of half naked bodies all wanting VK)

Preparation

Know what drinks you want. If you’re asked what you want to order and then turn to your friends three rows back to ask if they want a single or double, or lemonade or coke, then you’re just slowing it down for everyone around you. Know what you want to order when you come up to the bar and stick to it. The bar staff’s worst nightmare (minus someone throwing up on the bar) is having to keep pouring you different drinks until you finally decide which one you really want. The faster you order, the quicker you get that drink.

Also, have your money (or card) ready. Nothing slows down how fast you can get your drinks than turning to your friend to ask if it’s your turn or their turn to pay. If you have your money ready in your hand then you can pass it over and be free to roam about the SU to try and find that friend you haven’t seen in an hour or two.

P.S. If you’re paying on card and want to pay contactless, tell the member of staff serving you. This will cut down the time you spend waiting for your PIN to go through and optimise dancing and singing time.

Whose round is it?

Politeness

If you click your fingers, heckle, shout or wave your money, then it’s more than likely the bar staff will purposely not serve you. There’s usually one member of bar staff for every 60 customers and they won’t make time for you if you’re being rude. Be polite and understanding, they’re the ones that are fuelling your night and a simple smile will improve your chances of being the next in line.

Also, remember there are people at the bar who have been waiting longer than you have before you get in a strop that bar staff are ignoring your money-shaking hand.

SU staff have feelings too, believe it or not

Pick your bar carefully

Choose your bar depending on what drink you’d like. If you’re in Medicine and the Jager bar is up and running, don’t queue at the main bar for a Jager Bomb. If there’s a member of staff walking around selling shots, don’t queue for the same shots they’re selling at main bar. Use the extra bars as a way to reduce the time you spend stuck between sweaty bodies trying to get the staff’s attention. However, be warned: these usually don’t take card so make sure you have some cash handy.

Prioritise

If you walk into the SU or Medicine and the bars are quiet, use that time to get drinks and use the cloakroom. The bars are usually busy from 11:30pm-close so get some drinks and get rid of your coats and excess baggage before peak time. If the bar is heaving at the bottom of the stairs, go around the corner to where the bar is usually quieter.

Before eleven is a no-queue heaven

Unfortunately all these tips won’t cut down the time girls will spend queuing in the bathroom, but at least it’s a start.