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‘Wanna go to Greggs?’: The weirdest chat up lines heard by uni students in Newcastle clubs

Ffs did you really think that would work?

If you've never used a chat up line or been on the receiving end, then you're definitely in the minority. Be it in Soho, Flares or Swingers, students LOVE a chat up line, so we've asked Newcastle students for their most memorable chat up experiences. We got some tragic Google top-hits answers, some hilarious rejections and some poorly put together performances, but these are our top three belters, so buckle up, you're in for a bumpy ride.

Victim number one

Crime scene: Perdu journeying on to Munchies

Chat up line: "I bet you're a fucking Tory"

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Setting the scene: This boy approached a group of girls and knocked cheesy garlic chips out of one of their hands'. His next action was to demand their political opinions whilst screaming his one line pearler into the girl's face. This entailed an uproar as they were all lovers of the two most important 'C's'; cheese and Corbyn.

According to our sources, he was alone and realised he was losing the battle of Bigg Market, so he changed his tune (not politically, unfortunately). He proceeded to ask the girl he had just targeted, who had a peachy bum, "Do you do squats?". To which her angered friend replied "Only on her boyfriends dick".

He lost the battle of Bigg Market that night; dignity and cheesy garlic chips were lost. Lest we forget.

Victim number two

Site of offence: Rusty's

Chat up line: "Do you want me to teach you how to be a lesbian?"

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Setting the scene: This innocent girl became scarred on her singles night out with friends. Her friends had pulled and were getting off with two Newcastle fitties, leaving her alone, isolated and scared. A seemingly nice woman approached and she believed that she had made a new friend.

The chat up line was sent, to which she thanked her for her kindness but politely declined. Five minutes later, the woman approached for a second time, but with a male companion. She leaned towards out victim and whispered softly, "I've got a deal pet… I'll take you from the front and he'll look after you from behind, how does that sound?"

Response: The female Geordie accent is no longer a sound of comfort.

Victim number three

Site of seduction: Soho

Chat up line: "Do you have a boyfriend?"

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Setting the scene: Your typical 'rah lads lads lads rugby legend' thought he had a trick up his sleeve with this basic bitch chat up attempt. He innocently dropped this line and the girl believed she had made an ally as she did in fact have a boyfriend. The girl was ready to divulge into a DMC about her beloved with her new pal, so in her excitement she responded, "OMG yeah, do you have a girlfriend?" He confirmed that he did. Her hopes and dreams were shattered when he then posed the question, "Shall we just forget about them tonight?"

Response: In shock, her anti-fuck boy instincts kicked in so she walked away and enjoyed the rest of the her night in Floho with the gals, before ubering home.

In the words of NSYNC… Bye, bye, bye.

Although these were our top three tales of woe, many other one-liners have been heard, such as "Do you like Mars Bars?", "I'm the manager of Geordie Shore, do you want a VIP booth?", "Wanna just go to Greggs?" and "I love you… like I LOVE you."

Have you ever heard more seductive words spoken?

And to answer the burning question, "Is romance dead?" Unfortunately, it appears to be deader than Retro…like where even is Retro?

Photo credits: Sarah May (Soho Rooms)