Here are the five different types of people you’ll meet at Newcastle University

Ah Newcastle, the place where livers go to die. No one can deny that Newcastle University is one of the best in the UK. The beautiful campus, the incredible nightlife, the fact that you’re never more than a two minute walk away from a Greggs… the list goes on. Part of the beauty of the university is that it’s home to a wide array of people.

We decided to list the five people you will have definitely met whilst being at Newcastle.

The Rah

Rah-Rah-Rasputin

Get your rah-dahs ready, they’re everywhere. Male or female, the rah is never seen without their North Face puffer jacket which makes their michelin-man silhouette hard to miss. They walk in packs, haunting the path to and from Castle Leazes, each wielding their naked macbooks (come rain or shine), as if a £900 bill for water damage was petty cash. The rah also seems to have mastered the art of being able to slip their gap-yah stories into every conversation. You read an interesting book recently? Well so did they, except on a beach in Thailand where they were just sooo at peace with the world. Don’t forget to greet them à la français, with a kiss on each cheek, a habit they picked up from spending too many summers at their second (or third) home in the South of France.

The Swot

Observe the smug smirk

This person was the kid that used to cry when they got an A instead of an A* at school. They’re like marmite. You either love them because they’re always on hand to email you the lecture notes that you missed, or you hate them because they consistently get at least a 2:1 in every assignment. Most hate them. They’re very rarely late to a lecture and they often stay behind once it’s finished to ask questions, meaning that they’re on a first name basis with the lecturer. Whilst Newcastle may be famous for its nightlife, this person came to ‘actually get a degree’. Yawn. During exam season, they become a hermit, only emerging to top up their chocolate supply. Sometimes they actually do go out, an event which is met with a round of applause. However, don’t be surprised if they only go to pres, after all, they have an 11am seminar tomorrow.

The Northerner

Practically tropical!

The North is simply too vast a paradise to lump every person into one category. The locals scoff at the idea of wrapping up warm in temperatures above freezing. Those from Yorkshire will go on about how much better the water from ‘up North’ is. Scousers speak a foreign language permeated with words such as ‘heavy’, ‘onto’, ‘jib’ and ‘jarg’. The girls will take time adjusting to the ‘no heels’ policy on a night out. ‘Would be having none of that in Concert Square.’ All agree on three main things. Wearing a coat is a sin, Maggie Thatcher is the devil and the North is better. No Northerner actually knows where the North/South divide is. However, what most will agree on is that the North is a mentality, a way of life, so get some chips n gravy down ye and av a cuppa.

The Sad Girl

Spot the regret

The sad girl can most accurately be identified by her dressing gown which is stained with tea and tears. She lives off a diet of Echo Falls and Chocolate Digestives and can often be found in bed, surrounded by her fairy lights, watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix. A sad girl's typical pres consists of getting absolutely black-out drunk, taking a nap (passing out) in the corridor and calling her ex whilst being sick in the loo. Please, for your sake and hers, wrestle her phone off her, or else you'll receive the 'Oh my god I can't believe I called ____ last night' text in the morning. If so, be prepared to provide copious amounts of chocolate and lots of tea to comfort her. One day her dignity will be restored.

The one that’s really into politics

The face of a pol student when someone mentions the Tories

Every flat has one. They’re always the first to start chanting ‘Oh Jeremy Corbyn’ at pres. They utter the phrase ‘oppression of the working class’ more times than you hear Country Roads playing on a night out. They probably own a copy of the Communist Manifesto and they take great pleasure in making it known that they are in fact a Marxist. You’ll see them smirking to themselves any time Karl Marx is mentioned in a lecture as if they were best mates. Mention Brexit and they’ll quietly shake their head. Mention the Tories and you’ll be hearing all about austerity measures and the grave failures of universal credit. They probably do History, Politics, Philosophy or a mixture of the three and they have definitely got into an argument with their seminar leader about the ills of Neoliberalism. Approach with caution.

Photo credit: Aaron Shaquille-Carlton (Swingers)