‘I broke that three days in’: London students on their New Year’s resolutions

It takes a true warrior to go to the toilet without a phone

Resolutions are the pinnacle of the start of a New Year. You make multiple resolutions you promise to stick to just to sack it off halfway through January. Because let’s face it, Tesco vodka is too good.

We all know someone who’s sworn one-week pledges of going to the gym more consistently or spending less money at Spoons this year. Well, uni students are no exception. If anything, we are some of the biggest resolution-breaking culprits.

Trying to stick to deadlines without needing an extension, cutting down on alcohol, stopping ordering fast food…the list goes on. So, with January now over, here’s a list of all the New Year’s resolutions you’ve already broken.

‘Was supposed to be on a diet and ordered KFC within two hours of the diet’

Diets can be so difficult to stick to when unhealthy foods taste so good, and all the New Years coupon codes sure don’t help.

It’s okay though: hot girl summer is a mindset, not a body type. Forget about the New Year. Try focusing on “new month, new you” instead.

‘My resolution was to not order from Deliveroo and I broke that three days in’

Stop. Ordering. Takeaway. Food.

Resist the juicy temptation and your bank account will thank me later. Save up for all that baccy.

‘I decided ­­I would eat less cheese. But I have been eating more cheese’

This was definitely written by someone lactose intolerant – you can just tell. We need so much more context.

Giving up a food you love can be a real struggle, especially when Lidl hits you with shelves stockpiled with it. Stay strong, bestie – I can imagine the struggle.

(The final food-related resolution, I promise).

‘Going to sleep before 1 (broken on January 3)’

Students are nocturnal creatures. After all: 4 am is late night, not early morning. Besides, when are you supposed to sleep if clubs only let you in at 11?

‘Being mentally stable this year’

Well… with the workloads and the friendships and the feeding yourself and cleaning up after yourself and that part-time job and somehow also sleeping, this one’s shaping out to be a tough one. Does lighting a candle count as self-care?

‘Only take cold showers’

The truth is that the only time a cold shower is actually nice for most of us is during a British heatwave. If only the New Year started in July, or we lived in Australia, it would be so easy to keep this up. Besides, it’s somehow still flu season – don’t sleep on that hot water.

‘Not to take my phone with me on the toilet’

But what else are you meant to do, sit there in silence? Reading the back of all the shampoo bottles gets boring very quickly (come on, everyone knows what to do if shampoo gets in our eyes).

And let’s admit it: our screen times are so high because toilet time = TikTok time.

‘Reading one book per week’

Do course readings count? Goodreads will look way different if we can log the academic papers we were assigned to read.

Either way, it’s hard to pick up a book when you’ve had exactly 17 seconds free in a day. You could try an audiobook?

‘To stop smoking’

A common one even for non-students. And it’s arguably one of the hardest.

If you made and broke this New Year’s resolution, don’t take that as a reason to give up. If you smoke regularly, it can be very hard to stop, and not many people succeed the first time they try to quit.

If you fail the first time, you are not alone. Try again, you’ve got this. Here’re some helpful advice from the NHS!

‘If I’ve worked out that day, I can smoke up that night……I’ve been smoking, not working out’

There’s a fun incentive! Is exercising meant to counterbalance the smoking? We are intrigued.

This one’s an easy one to fall into, especially since the gym is so far and that lighter’s just in your pocket. But we believe in you!

‘What’s a resolution’

There’s always that one guy. Sure, January is really arbitrary and we can change our lives whenever, but it’s always fun to start the New Year off with a little hope, no matter how fast it’s crushed.

Nonetheless, some of us are born into perfection xx.

‘To meet all my deadlines…24 days into 2022 and I have already asked for an extension’

You can take the student out of the uni, but you can’t take the uni out of the student. Besides, it’s like professors are conspiring to make sure all deadlines fall into the same week. #DeadlineGate

‘I couldn’t cut down on coffee’

Look, maybe coffee isn’t the issue but the Geek Bar is. No coffee demonisation. It’s the perfect winter drink, hangover cure, energy kick, and so much more. I wish I was as useful as coffee.

Can you relate to these? Or maybe you have managed to stick to your resolutions so far (if so, good on you). But if you have already broken your resolutions, or didn’t bother making resolutions at all, it’s not the be-all-end-all.

Better luck next year!

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