Schafer House is shrouded in mystery, and that’s its charm

Chateau de Schafe. The shining beacon of first year fresher lyf. Welcoming all into its warm bosom and nurturing life ready for the big bad world outside its yellow walls. Not much is known about Schafer house, its history is shrouded in mystery: some say it is built on an ancient Indian burial ground, others, a former Indian restaurant. However, what we do know is that it is ideally situated near to uni without the regimented meal times of Ramsay or grim Max Rayne.

Brass tax

What does Schafer actually offer its students who feed from its educational breast? Beautiful single rooms housed in flats between three and five people, all with shared kitchens and communal bathrooms. As of 2015-2016, a week here will set you back £174.58 compared to Ramsay’s £158.97–£262.43 price bracket. Arguably a small price to pay though for proximity to UCL on one of London’s finest curry streets – and only a 10 minute walk into Camden.

It’s super clean

It is cleaned an innumerable number of times each week by a staff of exquisite cleaners, who – rumour has it – are monks in training, gaining spiritual enlightenment that is stored in the paper thin cracks between walls. If you listen closely you can hear it yourself- or your flatmate has just brought someone home after Loop.

A former resident in his natural habitat – Rory ‘Mop’ Hedderman

It’s a comprehensive University of Life 

Former Schafer residents are extremely fierce and proud of their UCL heritage. Former resident Rory Hedderman told us: “It was an incessant snake pit that never slept, fine after fine we endured, but it didn’t repress our spirit, a grand camaraderie originated there and will echo down the halls of eternity.” Schafer doesn’t baby us that much then after all; it prepares UCL undergrads for the big wide world, ready to push them from the nest while teaching valuable lessons in the process. Siegried Sassoon could write no finer words himself.

The roof-top views are unparalleled 

Schafer has a secret waiting to be discovered: late at night, when the office staff have gone home, you can sneak your way on to the roof and enjoy some of London’s finest sights: B-block of Schafer House. What more could you possibly want? Disclaimer: don’t try this at home. Unless you reside at 168-182 Drummond Street, in which case, definitely do it.

‘Oh shit, I can see Ramsay from here’

Accession to the Knights Schafelar 

Perhaps the best thing of being a Schafer resident is your automatic acceptance into a secret brotherhood of the Knights Schafelar. Meet one in the street in years to come and you’ll question whether or not you recognise them from those pres in C-block a few years/decades back. You’ll be unsure until they write their number on the back of a noise complaint with a look in their eye, looking for a knowing look in yours…

It’s my dream home

Would I live here again? In the words of Ed Milliband: “Hell yeah”. I would have a family here, converting the computer suite into a make-shift crèche and move my grandma in to E-Block, close enough to the rest of us, far enough away that we never have to see her. Sometimes in my second year home I think about booking into Schafer for a night, which at little over £40 a night, is cheaper than any hotel in the area. There isn’t room service, but there is a solid chance you’ll be playing ring of fire in the common room.