All the ways to find a seat in the SJ after 10am

Exams are looming and the library beckons. But seriously, how are we supposed to have a good night’s sleep and beat the rush? There don’t seem to be any seats after 10 in the morning and that’s just unrealistic for most of us! So here are some handy tips to swiping a seat after midday:

Hover by someone who’s wearing a jumper

The Sydney Jones is infamously sweaty. Anybody caught wearing a jumper in the Grove Wing is sure to be naked underneath and thus forced to revise in inhumane temperatures. The answer is simple; hover as close as possible to their table until they surrender. The pressure of a seat swiper is sure to make em’ sweat. Make em squirm, and persistence will reward you.

If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen

Snitch

To all those terrible people who think their work is more important than ours… we’re coming for you. If you’re guilty of ditching your seat for a lecture, don’t count your chickens. If you’ve been trekking the library for long enough, you should notice a few unattended seats, and as shady as it is, drastic times call for drastic measures. Snitch on em and claim their seat for your own.

Stink ’em out

Grab a discounted egg and cress sandwich and hide it behind your victim amongst the books. It won’t take too long for the stench of a warm, expiring meal deal to clear the room.

Choose your weapon!

Group attack

Chatterboxes assemble! Ask to borrow one seat on a table in social study and one-by-one ascend on the poor bugger trying to study. After a few rounds of ‘would you rather’ and other aimless chatter you’ll be sure to convince them to quit and the table is yours.

Make a fort

There’s nothing cuter than a fort, and nothing more creative than pitching one in the corner of the silent area. If you’re stuck for table space, just spread out on the floor and craft a canopy to keep all the ideas from floating away.

Set the fire alarms off

Let’s turn back time to first year Carnatic Halls. Why bother leaving the building for a cigarette when you can kill two birds with one stone in the toilets of the SJ? Light up and set the alarms ringing. When everyone evacuates, you’ll be sure to find a few empty seats amongst the rabble.

You just know that people are hiding under tables for fear of losing their seat. Fire or no fire!

Swap with a mate

The group chat is the key to an efficient library system. Contact everyone you know and love and organise a swap period when someone has a lecture. It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.

PDA

Bootie call bae and get cosy in silent study. Better still, go the whole hog and take some cute wedding pictures. 

Do you think they met fighting over plug sockets?

So remember… Play dirty and win, because if you’re paying £9,000 a year to read, you god damn better be comfortable doing it. I wouldn’t wish the carpet of social study upon anybody. Good luck.