Everything going to Liverpool uni teaches you

Whether you stayed in Carnatic or Vine Court, everyone graduates from Liverpool University with more than just a degree. They gain a universal knowledge of the ways of Liverpool life.

Locals who wear rollers to town on a Saturday afternoon are fabulous

At first you were sceptical, you watched the bleached blonde girls bustling round Liverpool One in their bright pink rollers and weren’t quite sure what to make of them. Then it dawned on your how truly dedicated they were to their nights out in Liverpool. They do not care what anyone thinks of them and you applaud them for their effort. You know they are going to look fab and so do they.

You will fall down the stairs at The Raz

It’s a rite of passage so don’t freak out – it happens to the best of us.  Dust off that Raz juice and get a Fat Frog down you.

You will bump into everyone you know in the Heebie’s smoking area

The Heebie’s courtyard is home to all manner of species all squashed together like battery farm chickens. On your hunt for a cigarette you’ll run into pretty much every single member of your seminar. You can always rely on the Heebie’s courtyard to re-connect you with people – like that guy you slept with in Freshers’ Week and that blonde from Carnatic all your mates fancied.

Liverpool’s brunch game is strong

Every week there’s another independent restaurant popping up on Bold Street or in Liverpool One – you’re spoilt for choice when it comes to brunch in Liverpool. Whether you fancy a Quesadilla in Lucha Libre or a veggie platter in East Avenue Bakehouse, there’s a restaurant to satisfy any hangover cravings.  Just remember to Instagram it – otherwise it didn’t happen.  

The taxi drivers can talk for England

It’s amazing how much you can learn about a Scouser’s life in one 10 minute taxi journey from Smithdown into town. You force a smile and polite conversation as Steve from Delta tells you all about his twin daughters who have just started college. They can find conversation in the most mundane topics but a Scouse cabbie is probably one of the kindest humans on the planet. The majority will drop you to your door even if you a few quid short, just so they can sleep at night knowing you’re home safe.

Quad Vods will destroy you

Yes, they may be technically illegal but who cares? There’s no other drink that can get you drunk as quickly and as cheaply as a Quad Vod can. Every time you’ll think you can handle it you wake up the next morning drowning in self-loathing and regret, not helped by your ever thoughtful friends reminding you of every stupid thing you did last night.  Why did you take selfies with your first year flatmate?  Why did you think it was a good idea to go for a wee in a car park?  Why did you fully flash Seel Street by deciding to wear a playsuit?

Juicy is the best night

It does not get old.  Yes, it’s pricey and yes it fills up quickly but there is honestly no other night that compares.  You get there bang on 11pm, so drunk from shotgunning cans of someone’s left over beer that you think you’re going to have to be tactical, but the soothing sound of Drake plays in the distance and you’re safe again.  A week later photos surface of you and the squad mid-TLC and you start begging them to all come again this week.

The Sydney Jones is filled with fit people

No one knows what it is about arts students that makes them so attractive – but something does. Whether they are looking pensively at a W.H Auden poem on the second floor Grove Wing, or chatting with their fit mates in social study you can guarantee that smouldering smile is there somewhere.

You’ll probably try your first pill at Abandon Silence

You bump into Dan from your History tutorial who’s on his own near the front. You get chatting and he offers you and your mates some little red pills. You’re unsure but decide to take them anyway as the pushy crowds are starting to sober you up. You’ll then spend the night telling your friends how much you love them and asking strangers if you can go on their shoulders. After that, you just so happen to find yourself a regular every Kitchen Street event.

You will have spent first year getting really dolled up for nights out

As a fresher you would have undoubtedly whipped out the St Moritz and spent a good half hour lathering your pins before any night out. You also would have spent around an hour perfecting your beachy waves for them all to fall out before you get in your taxi to town. But in second and third year you perfected getting ready for pres in half an hour and your heated rollers stayed in your damp desk drawer gathering dust.

None of the decent clubs are in Concert Square

Unless you want to pay £9 for a Vodka Cranberry in Ruby Sky, or chat to a sweaty group of middle aged men on a stag do in Walkabout.

Town on a Saturday is Scouse night

Virtually no students will be out in town on a Saturday.  It’s full of sixth formers and leery old men on stag dos, and there are no student deals. Saturdays are for events or staying in with your housemates and a bottle of wine, not getting creeped on by someone old enough to be your dad.  

You’ll judge everyone who didn’t live on Smithdown

Yes sure you can live in town and save money on a bus pass, but why would you chose to isolate yourself? Smithdown isn’t the most glamorous but it’s home.

Bumper is awful

You went there for the first time during Freshers’ Week in first year before you had been properly introduced to Liverpool’s best clubs. You were fresh-faced and naive and a promoter convinced you to go in. You haven’t been back since, you know better now. 

Liverpool locals are the best

It doesn’t matter if they are red or blue they all have one thing in common – an undying love for this city, and who can blame them?  No locals know pride like Scousers do and they are not afraid to show it.  Just look at the Hillsborough memorial turnout.

People who have never been to Liverpool think it’s rundown

Liverpool is beautiful and as honorary Scousers you jump to defend it every single time.  “Yeah, I bet Exeter is beautiful, Annabelle, but have you even been to the Docks?” You defend this city with everything you’ve got, it’s always going to be home now, whether you stay after graduation or not.  Besides, everyone knows Liverpool is the best night out in the country.

Liverpool in the summer is beaut

The weekend after exams you’ll find every student chilling in Sefton with a BBQ and beers. 

You can take £15 quid on a night out and still have an amazing time

And change, for that matter.  With dangerously cheap doubles and taxis so cheap you feel criminal asking your mates for the quid they owe you (but that is a tequila shot in Ca Va).  Between £3 guest list entry and £1.50 cheesy chips for walk home it would be silly to not go out at least three times a week, that’s what a loan is for, surely?

Krunchy Fried Chicken is the one

The red salt.  It’s all about the red salt.  Does nowhere else know of this magic?  Just one sprinkle of this stuff and a cheeky smile from Yosef and the boys and you know it’s home.  There’s nowhere you’d rather end a night, whether you’re crying about that bloody ex-boyfriend from home or necking the silent moody one from your seminar they’ll always be there.  

Blowing your loan in Liverpool One is too easy

It just has everything.  It’s hard to avoid popping down for a browse and not coming back with three dresses from Forever 21, a new make-up palette from Boots and at least 12 doughnuts from Krispy Kreme.  

You will take an obligatory drunken picture on the Lambanana

You’ll drape yourself across the front of it’s head, whilst your intoxicated housemates help each other onto the back. Every single photo is taken on a night out and each one has a glazed eyed group posing in some hysterical formation. Everyone has one and they all look the same. If you don’t yet, you will by the time you graduate.