How to pull a medic

A medic looks for someone with future prospects, a healthy lifestyle and to put it simply, another medic.

So let’s face it, if you’re not smart enough to be studying Medicine, the chances of you pulling one who is are minuscule.

But if you’re dead set on bagging yourself a doctor, at least follow these tips.

Pretend you don’t take drugs

Ditch the ciggies too, or you’ll be constantly reminded of how they’re full of poison and that you’re killing yourself.

Medics don’t know how to chill, unless a textbook is involved.

Hang out at medic hotspots (which means braving the Harold Cohen)

Hang around the boring Harold Cohen, it’s crawling with them – they fucking love a quiet study room.

The gym’s a good one too, you’ll never find a fat Medic. They don’t exist.

Lie about your age

To become a fully trained doctor could take about 10 years, which means they’ll be ancient when they finally get a job.

In order to bag yourself a Medic, add a couple of years onto your age. That way, they’ll think you’re ready to “settle down” when they are. They’re a calculated bunch.

DON’T MENTION THE SCRIPT

Due to the recent controversy surrounding the leaked script including inappropriate rape humour, the Medic Society (one of the oldest) has been banned from the Guild.

Whatever you do, please do not mention the script.

Mention you play for a sport team

It’s a well known fact most Medics train as part of a sports team every Wednesday afternoon, because they’re so perfect.

If they’re not talking about themselves, this will most definitley crop up into conversation, so make sure you’re prepared.

Another thing to watch out for is that buses are no place for a Medic student – they cycle in.

Moan. A lot

These are their favourite phrases: “Urghh I’m in at 9am every day this week”,  “oh my god, I’ve got so much work to do”, “there’s SO much for me to do ALL the time”

They constantly complain about how hard their degree is, despite being near enough guaranteed a job at the end of it. So make sure to be sympathetic, even if, like most of us, you couldn’t give a shit.

Get in with the lingo

This is vital if you’re wanting to pull a medic. If you can speak like one, you are more likely to pass as one.

Familiarise yourself with weird abbreviations like OSCE, PBL… whatever the hell they mean.

Don’t ever mention you watch Scrubs. Ever

This is NOT what doctors do in real life. At least, pretend you think that. A medic wouldn’t appreciate being compared to such stupidity, they have a very unique sense of humour.

Isolate yourself from all-things non-medic

The medics are a very insular breed of student, they stick to their own. If you want to pull one, you’ll need to move out of your Smithdown crib and into an all-medic house off Picton Road where all the poshos live.

Medics only do medic things, with other medics.

Tell them they’re really smart

Medics love to be reminded of how smart and intelligent they are – you could say it’s like having a superiority complex.

They’re the kind of people that will pretend to be really interested when their History friend starts talking about the emergence of the USA as a world superpower, but will secretly be questioning their future.