Freshers: We told you what to try at UoL, now here are eight things you should avoid

Dear freshers: now that you have no doubt listened to our advice and enjoyed the absolute Godsend that is Doughnotts, we have some words of wisdom. Trust us, you don’t want to do these things.

1. The Lanyard

We know, we know – It’s exciting when you’re given that fresh lanyard; you’re important, you’re a uni student, you still haven’t figured out how to use a washing machine, but oh well, it doesn’t matter with your shiny new lanyard. However, it’s a truth universally acknowledged (by Lincoln students, that is) that wearing it is cringey as hell. You’re painting a huge target on your back that practically screams “fresh meat”.

2. Rugby Lads

It’s self-explanatory. Just don’t do it.

3. Attempting to walk over the Arts Bridge after a night out

Us “oldies” have learned the hard way to avoid the Arts Bridge after a night out. Let’s be honest, it’s hard enough to take on when you’re sober – it’s one of the hardest things to climb, after Steep Hill of course. Add a drizzle of rain and it’s a death trap. Now – imagine this while you are full of booze and have a fresh post-sesh Maccies to protect. Not a good combo.

4. Going to Trebles and not getting the £1 bombs

Rookie mistake. Like anyone, you may think that shots are cheaper – but you would be wrong, my friend. The £1 bombs are sure to get you absolutely trolleyed before Union. And while you’re there, why not spend the money you’ve saved on the £4 photo-booth? You win some, you lose some.

5. Getting with your flatmates

Ah, the ongoing joke is the incestuous pool of flat relations. Sure, you’re clumped with a load of people you don’t know… they might seem like your best option… but please, avoid at all costs. Sure, it might work out, but it might also end in the rest of your flat feeling like children of divorce, wondering who gets the shared frying pan.

6. Going to SuperBull and not getting pictures with the Bull

At this point, getting a picture with the Bull is a core memory, a real achievement, the key ingredient to a good night at SuperBull. If you don’t get at least one picture, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life – not to be dramatic.

7. Trying to be friendly with the geese

They look cute, but inside they are territorial little devils. Will you get to your lecture in Minerva, or will a goose give you that look that makes you think: “you know what? my education isn’t that important.” To the people that sit happily among the geese, ducks and swans near the Brayford, we commend your bravery.

We LOVE the swans though <3

8. A bad photo at union

The camera is everywhere, and while you may try to get its attention for a picture of you and your mates, it doesn’t always work out that way. You need to be prepared at all times, otherwise you’ll end up as “wtf of the week” in clubbers of the week, even though it is a major “mum I made it” moment.

Hear our pleas! Avoid these things at all costs.

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• Lincoln students’ most questionable tattoos

• In pictures: Hundreds of people gather at Lincoln Cathedral in solidarity with Ukraine

• Clubbers of the week: Where we’ve always been in week 15