Welcome to Lincoln library (it’s awful)

Welcome to Hell


Welcome to your new unofficial halls of residence at the University of Lincoln.

The University Library.

You will probably grow to hate this place with a passion after studying your degree or, God help you, your masters.

But without this place and that horrible Harvard referencing system where would you be now, McDonalds?

Hours upon hours of writing essays, memorising facts and drinking an ungodly amount of Red Bull are just a few of the things that you’ll do here.

But the thing people do the most here is get pissed off, let me elaborate.

Picture this…deadline day is approaching, that cold sweat comes over you while you’re sat at home watching some shit on the TV and you think to yourself, “Okay, tomorrow I’ll go to the library.”

So you go bed for a really early night. Your bag is pre-packed for tomorrow’s long day. But not with books or those oh so valuable lecture notes, but junk food, energy drinks and cigarettes.

Library Survival Kit

You’ll arrive at the library to be greeted by the smell of hot coffee from the stand only to realise you left your wallet at home in the morning rush.

The thing that’s shit about this is that unless you like vending machine lunches good luck finding some decent food.

So now not only do you have to print an access code to get in but you have to go through those ridiculous turnstiles which take five minutes to read your card on a good day.

What are they even for? Seriously? This isn’t the underground why do we need these? It’s a waste of time and just infuriating.

Damn Those Turnstyles

The library is the place where you’ll learn vital things for your course, That’s if it’s open.

We all leave shit till the last minute and the library shuts around 10pm just when you get in to the swing of that essay and the security come and ask you to leave. Can’t they see we’re trying to learn?

These aren’t the only people that will piss you off here. You also get ‘chatters’.

It doesn’t matter where you sit in this place you always manage to be sat next to the person that talks really loud on their phone or the person who just HAS to tell you about last night.

All you can do is sit there and listen to their inane bullshit while your deadline creeps up on you.

If that isn’t bad enough for you wait till you see the attack of the Macs.

Okay so the library ALREADY has them. But for some reason people like to go on the busiest day of the semester and sit in front of the PCs and pull out a MacBook or whatever shit Apple just brought out.

It’s bad enough that they are bragging without actually bragging but then to take up a computer as well, do us all a favour and piss off so I can use that computer please.

Gotta Love Them Books

Most of the time this is how you will end up. Slumped over a mountain of books or under stacks of paper looking for that one quote that will help you finish that paper that’s worth 50% of your mark.

The bad thing is the one book you want has been checked out, overdue and the only copy and the only thing that comes to mind is “Why do you hate me Lord?”

If you’re not slumped over a pile of books you’ll be searching for your subject section like someone told you there’s a first class paper hidden somewhere and then you’ll spend sometimes up to an hour looking for a book only to be greeted by this delightful little sign.

So then you have to walk to the lifts where there’s one guy who genuinely needs it and about ten other people that can’t be arsed to take the stairs. Good luck waiting.

Fuck My Actual Life


Time to print! Welcome to the most elaborate and tedious printing system ever. You have to put in a username and a pin number before you can print but don’t forget to check your balance first.

That’s right…you pay £9,000 a year in tuition but you still have to pay for paper and ink…think this place is shit yet?

Oh, and be prepared to queue too…there’s two printers on each floor and you’ll always get stuck behind someone who’s forgot their pin or someone who decided to print War and fucking Peace.

This place is truly shite but you can’t avoid it…don’t say you weren’t warned.