What your O2 drink says about you

Wine

Calm it, Bridget Jones. Wine is hardly something you can drink as you bust your moves to My Anaconda Don’t – unless you’re gonna strawpedo it at predrinks, leave it for a girls’ night in.

The classiest way to drink wine

Beer

That’s a nice photo of you and your iced-gem haircut in Venom surrounded by a load of local girls. Do tell me where you got that “Chat Shit Get Banged” T-shirt again?

Double vodka and lemonade/Coke

You’re a basic bitch who is carrying on from predrinks in a steady way but still ensuring that you get messy, so long as you manage not to spill half of it down yourself/anyone else in a metre’s radius on the dancefloor. Which you will, because vodka’s magic touch will make you suddenly unable to steadily hold your drink.

You’re up for an absolutely mad night and you can’t think of a better way to ensure you get to neck on with a rugby player than to order drinks that are essentially watered-down death.

Corkies

Want the satisfaction of saying you did shots with the reassurance that they amount to only 15 per cent? Your saving grace is here. They probably won’t have you crawling past the bouncers once the lights come on, but don’t let people tell you that you can’t achieve that.

One for you, 13 for me

Vodka shots

You’re too stingy to buy you and your friend Tiffany a proper drink, but you end up buying 10 shots anyway to make the £5 minimum spend on your card worth it. The challenge is – after downing the liquid death, who can keep the burp of fire vomit down? Not Tiffany. In fact, Tiffany brings a new understanding to the term “alco-blanket”- wrapping herself in a warm coat of slightly fizzy sick from the double vodka and Coke she classily sipped on at pres.

Cider

You probably confused the club with a summer beer garden and ordered a cheeky Strawberry and Lime cider with the gals. Either that or you’re still stuck in the farmer mentality back home in the West Country and you long for that home brew that used to get you and your mates smashed. Not the right time or place, even if you still feel like you’re surrounded by cows in the club.

VKs

“Having a quiet one”? On a budget? Either that, or you’re a person who actually takes their degree seriously. Ever-timid of a good night out, you proclaim that you’ve “got that lecture you need to go to tomorrow”. You probably have rainbow-coloured stains on your pillow from VK dribble- what colour will it be this morning? Red, Yellow, Pink or Blue?

Edward VK hands

Vodka and Red Bull

The sound of a deep bassline isn’t enough for you – you want to feel your heart shoot shapes. You’ve got “DANGEROUS” written across your forehead – probably quite literally, because you’ve probably been on some sort of sport social where this was an initiation. That’s the only logical reasoning behind ordering this drink.

Gin and tonic

You’re most likely a female watching your calories, but not enough to not go out and drink 15 rounds of alcohol before ordering a Domino’s meal deal at 5am and eating the whole thing – but hey, at least you’re burning it off with slut drops and drunken, violent tears. The likelihood is that you assume gin is somewhat classier than vodka, but still end up waking up covered in your own sick next to a 4/10, because it’s “just that easy to drink”.

Tequila/sambuca shots

Tim dumped you over text and after an afternoon of watching Dear John, you want to burn your feelings away. Or you’re in the midst of a mental breakdown, and the only logical solution is to puke out your brain. Your friends half-willingly join in, but they gag as you triumphantly complete it with a Charlie Sheen level of winning.

Down it fresher

Jägerbombs

SQUAD SQUAD SQUAD. Something you can all do together which isn’t the hockey team. You’re willing to get fucked up as well, as have enough energy to smash it in the Late Lounge at the O2 or make your way to Basement for a night of madness after Mosh.

You’re having a good night and you don’t care who knows it, and the stories about what happens to people after too many Jägerbombs just become pure banter at this point.

For bants

The O2 Cocktails

Under the pretence that ordering a “Grenade” from LetsDisko will make your night somehow better, you can’t help but feel that you’ve just paid £7 for two glasses of juice to have the satisfaction of being literally the only person who ordered one that night.

Champagne

You’re probably a private school wanker who didn’t quite make it into Oxbridge, so mummy and daddy let you put bottles of champagne in your weekly online food purchases from M&S. Thank god you reserve the VIP area of Republic on a weekly basis – mixing with non-redbrick folk might lower your IQ.

Can’t take the Oxbridge out of the girl

Choosing to ignore that you’re in Leicester, you hand your new mates Dave, Pete and Jonesy glasses, reminiscing on the good old days with your boarding school chums Conrad and Julian.

Water

Go home.