Whether you’re a fresher or a third year, going out to a club is an integral part of your life at university so is The Tab’s guide to Leicester’s clubs.

The Students union AKA the O2 Academy.

It seems like O2 decided they needed somewhere to send all the acts that weren’t quite good enough for their popular venues, so don’t expect Beyonce any time soon. Instead, watch as week in week out “All the single Ladies “echoes around the room and VK’s are consumed like there’s no tomorrow (as you often wish there wasn’t after a fairly infamous Shabangover). Expect the same cheesy music and the same people every week… But also expect a good time if you’re prepared to drink enough to drown out, well, everything. You’ll probably get O2 fatigue after freshers, but just like that dodgy chicken shop after a night out, you’ll keep going back for more. If you’re on a sports team it will feel like your second home so you might as well get used to it. Freshers, the quicker you realise that Shabang and Red Leicester are the same night with different signs the easier life is.

Conclusion? Go here if you think Keith Lemon is cutting satire or the rumours of all 7 members of S Club turning up continue to excite you every year.

The typical A-list artist the Union attracts. Photo: www.facebook.com/BrightTiePhotography

Mosh

You’re pretty kooky, ain’t ya? Then welcome to Mosh. Three floors of the same music every week that pretends to change. The walls are adorned with posters of bands that have never been anywhere near Leicester, only further reminding you that this place isn’t quite what it seems. The different floors are said to play music of various genres, only I don’t think they know quite what some of them are. It’s a laugh and the crowds are different so we suggest you venture here a few times. If you’ve got an iron stomach the double Vodka mixers are strong enough to fell and ox and Jaeger seems to drip from the ceiling. Just don’t order drinks from the DJ on the middle floor, he doesn’t like it. Pop a few VHF’s (cheap VK’s, which are cheap WKD’s, which is one step up from Lambrini anyway) and don’t forget there’s a Subway next door.

 Conclusion? Like ‘This Charming Man’ by The Smiths? Good. They’ll somehow play it at least 12 times on every floor.

Liquid

Nahh.

Conclusion? No. Go here if… Just don’t. We told you so.

The floor during a typical Liquid night out.

Republic

It’s a bit like clubbing at the NEC, or maybe in the wardrobe from Narnia. We’ve been here for three years and we don’t think we could definitively tell you how many rooms there are, we just know the legend of the sky lounge that shines bright over the main floor but we’re yet to meet anyone who has been up there. There’s a bar that’s a circle and a toilet that takes about an hour to walk to. The smoking areas are the size of halls bedrooms and there’s probably going to be a bottling while you’re out. But go, if only to experience the lingering smell of vomit in the hip-hop room (seriously, why isn’t that gone?). You’re bound to return here every now and again, stumble out at half 3, friendless, hungry, sobered up because the bar queue was so long you got bored and wondering why you did it to yourself.

Conclusion? Go here if losing your friends within 10 seconds of entering seems like an adventure waiting to be had or you love being confronted by the hundreds of crying drunk people sat on the curb outside. Relax, they probably lost their friends too.

Sophbeck

Dare we say it, we’re getting a bit off the beaten Rockstar-like track now. Sophbeck is dirty. There’s not a lot more to be said than that. Except that the nights here (often after one of the aforementioned clubs, the place closes at six) are great. Sweat drips from the ceiling and it smells a bit like mould. Just expect good music and good DJ’s. We understand it’s not everyone’s thing so if you’re unsure, wait until a friend has been and can tell you. It sort of permeates through social groups as an acceptable place to go. If you’re not ready to go home and want something, anything to do – this is for you.

Conclusion? Go here if The Weekender is your favourite film or you don’t fancy sleeping this Friday and wanna grab a Mcdonalds Brekkie.

The Basement

Does exactly what is says on the tin and takes you underground. It’s prices are ridiculous and the staff think they’re beyond cool but don’t let that put you off, it has class music and you won’t find a more brick floor anywhere. They too open till the sun comes up, so if the thought of Sophbeck makes you want to hide in a cupboard, but you still fancy yourself as a cool kid, then welcome to Basement. Just don’t take your debit card, you’ll regret it.

Conclusion? If your eyes hurt at Rockstars ridiculously ludicrous punctuation /////THEN THIS PLACE////// IS FOR YOU!!!!!!!!! ONLY ONE TICKET LEFT!!!!!!!!\\\\\\\\\