Library Staff have gone Bananas…

With more and more people spending time in the library as exams get closer, the library and its staff are under considerable stress.

But according to one story it appears some members of staff are just fruitcakes.

Rikveer, a third year management and Economics student and regular library visitor, was left aghast when a librarian asked him to remove his unopened banana from the desk.

An example of the banana in question – photographed in the David Wilson Library

Rikveer says no ban on food had been announced. But is his story just apples and oranges or is there something more sinister afoot in the David Wilson?

It is a tale that begins innocently enough:

“It was almost two weeks ago that I was confronted in the library about my curved yellow friend. Lying there peacefully on the desk in front of me, not disturbing a soul, my banana was the cause of one of the most memorable moments I’ll have while at university.

“I was swiftly approached by one of the librarians, library book for re-shelving in one hand, set of library regulations in the other. On it she pointed to one particular rule ‘No Eating In the Library’.”

But what was the problem? The banana was yet to be unsheathed.

Regardless, the librarian gestured with a outstretched index finger towards the fruit.

“But I’m not eating it and that’s what the rule says, it doesn’t say no food in the library”, said Rikveer.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m in charge and I’m saying put it away”, said the librarian.

Rikveer said he “would not to stand for this blatant abuse of power” and proceeded to question the librarian about her “tyrannous” rules.

“Who would have thought in an institution which applauds those who ask unanswered questions, in the very home of those who have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge – the library – my justified statements were being shot down faster than a clay pigeon in a middle class shooting range.”

Chastened, Rikveer removed the banana, fearing his nemesis would “make up even more regulations” and find some way of escorting him out of the building.

But he refused to let the matter lie. Rikveer said: “The rules clearly state that there is no eating in the library NOT that there is no food. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!”

The fruit lover took things further, complaining to library management on the comments section of their website. They are yet to reply.

But things went from bad to worse for our hapless student.

“Today, when I was close to removing this harrowing experience from my mind, I was again asked to remove my banana from the desk by a different member of the staff, this time one of the ‘Help Team’.”

This time Rikveer refused to be beaten. “I recited my story to the member of staff and they again seemed startled. They took down my name and email address and asked if I wished to speak to her supervisor.

“‘Of course’ I replied with my banana still ogling her from the side.”

Five minutes later, an “obviously more senior member of staff” arrived and asked if he could step outside for a quick talk.

“I was afraid this would be a mafia-esque strategy to lure me out of public vision and obliterate the one soul who stands up to the David Wilson reign of terror,” said Rikveer.

Thankfully this was not the case. “We chatted for five minutes about various rules and regulations in place and how the library as a whole wish to operate.

“I was glad they took this time out to speak to me about the matter unlike prior incidents where I feel like the library staff thought that their badge would be enough to make me obey them.

“As a result of this compassion, I am glad to report my banana will remain in my bag for the foreseeable future, only to appear when I feel my potassium levels are falling. I was also told to check twitter for any future updates regarding bananas in the library.”

A happy ending to a what could have been a sorry tale.

If you have any stories which you feel deserve the attention of the student body then please contact [email protected]