Tatler’s guide to Leeds Uni is tragically misguided

Tatler has graced our very own “cool and cosy” streets to compile a guide for those not yet fortunate enough to be at Leeds.

The problem is, it doesn’t really know much about us at all.

Really though?

We wonder if the writer’s dainty shoes ever actually set foot in Leeds, given their series of bizarre suggestions.

How to get in: Be rejected from Bristol

Sorry? Given that Bristol is also dubbed as “the one for serious funsters”, we’re wondering whether whoever was involved in this did in fact go to Bristol.

And who says funsters? Everyone knows Bristol is an up-themselves version of Leeds, with slightly worse nightlife. We don’t want your rejects, thanks.

Top subject: Philosophy

If you look in a dictionary, Philosophy is “the study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality, and existence.” Maybe Tatler should have done a bit more research before making suggestions with absolutely no basis in reality.

Any newcomers will also unfortunately never have the pleasure of an afternoon well spent on “level flirteen”. Our dear Eddy Bae has been laid to rest for now.

RIP

Where you want to live: Devonshire Hall

Apparently, life in Dev promises heaps of “(dis)organised fun” such as “chilli-eating contests” and “the occasional water-slide”. WILD.

Other fun activities, such as a real social life, can be found at Lupton or James Baillie.

Where you don’t: Mayville/Norwood area

What an innocent area to take against.

Sure, like most areas in Leeds, the road designers have been pretty unimaginative. Mayville boasts a Mayville place, Mayville Terrace, Mayville Road and Mayville Avenue. Norwood is slightly more creative, throwing Norwood Mount, Road, View and Grove into the mix.

Even so, there is no need to speak badly of the area – especially when it’s within a stone’s throw of our beloved Greasy Pig.

That is Norwood, Simba – you must never go there

Where to drink: The East Village

They’re right, to be fair. East Village is pretty sophisticated, complete with deckchairs outside in case you want to catch a few wintery rays. For those of us who can’t afford £6.50 a pop cocktails for rounds on end, beer is available – although it’s sold in schooners (mini-pints), to keep it cold apparently. Sophistication for the nation.

And drop the ‘The’. Everyone else does.

Best night out: …is probably in Newcastle

NEWCASTLE? We’re not even going to dignify that one with a response.

Yet another AWFUL night out in Leeds. If only we’d gone to Newcastle

BNOCs

We’re not sure where they’ve dug their BNOCs up from either. We’re either very oblivious, or these names simply aren’t that big. May we suggest the dashing Dr Rafe Hallet? Providing hundreds of students with a reason to go to History lectures every day of the week.

We also don’t appreciate the sarcy tip about Leeds being “VERY sporty”, with students often competing in the legendary Otley Run. It’s an old joke. And FYI – you probably wouldn’t get very far in your birthday suit. Our Quidditch team competes nationally – need we say more about our sporting prestige?

Quidditch, our sporting pedigree

Despite producing a horribly misleading guide to Leeds life, Tatler slightly redeem themselves by remembering that Chris Pine once walked these hallowed halls.

He resided on our very own Brudenell Road, and no-one can ever take that away from us.

Not even Bristol.