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Here’s the ultimate ranking of all the KCL merch you can buy

“Why is everything such a republican shade of red?”

Let’s be real: if you’re headed to Bush House on any given day, the KCL Union Shop is not the first place you think of going. You’re usually headed there with a mind to stuff your face with chicken goujons at the Vault, lie down face first in the Meadow, or stare at the view from the top of Bush House whilst trying to convince yourself it’s worth all the money you spend living in London.

In an effort to make us more poor, the Union Shop offers a wide range of King’s merchandise from a jumper that let’s you rep your Kings pride, or the ideal Christmas gift for your mum, a KCL tea towel.

Here are some of the pieces of merch you can get your hands on here at King's, ranked best to worst:

Crewneck sweater (with stitching)

Without a doubt, the nicest and best value for money item in this shop. It comes in fancy colours like Camel and Sea-foam, and just to decrease your guilt on spending 35 pounds on a jumper, it’s fair trade. Get one in each colour.

Image may contain: Suit, Overcoat, Coat, Clothing, Person, People, HumanImage may contain: Paper, Carton, Cardboard, Box

KCL Umbrella

An absolutely fantastic piece of machinery. This thing is so well engineered that all you have to do to open it is press a button and it pops open with enough speed and efficiency to take out a small child.

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Gym bag

A canvas gym bag that’s actually kind of well made and could double up as a sort of okay looking tote? Don’t mind if I do.

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Flexible/Pocket diaries

For writing down reminders of your 8th meeting with your diss tutor in 2 weeks, and also for the illusion of productivity you’ve been maintaining since high school. They’re pretty good quality – for deep pockets, though.

Playing cards

Good value for money and actually not that cringe. Whip them out at pre-drinks with your mates or for a friendly game of GoFish with your grandma.

Whiskey tumbler / shot glass to drown your sorrows

Possibly not a terrible present to gift someone, but just a little over the top. Use it to drink your Echo Falls out of at pres.

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It took my flatmate roughly 8 attempts to try to tie this tie properly. It’s only so low on the list because it bothered me to see him faffing about with it – otherwise, it could be worse.

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KCL cap

Looks like a MAGA hat – best to steer clear.

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Literally heard a man in the shop pick this up and say, ‘What the fuck is this?’ Probably best to spend your money elsewhere.

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Orange sweater

When faced with the question, ‘what’s the worse thing in here?’, Jack (the store attendant) told us this was his most loathed item in the store, mostly because the wrong colour had been ordered by mistake. I respect Jack, and also it reminded me of Cheetos.

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‘Future King’s Grad’ t-shirt

They’re not cute, they’re weird, and I want them out of my sight.

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For what babies can I ask

In all honesty, what should have been at the top of this list (despite not being for sale) is Jack and Maciek, the young guys working at the Union Shop. They dealt with us generally dissing most of the things in the store and were so helpful, not to mention have a fantastic playlist on in the background.

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We left having bought the item at the top of the list – the stitched crewneck sweater – and the knowledge that they’re restocking a few things in late October. An extra 35 pounds spent further the overdraft, and a fantastic sweater to keep you warm all winter long: what more could you want?

You can find extra information about the Union Shop here.

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