Finding a semi-normal flatmate is impossible

It shouldn’t be this hard.

One of my flatmates left our flatshare due to personal circumstances.

Now we’re trying to navigate the finances and find a replacement before rent is due.

It’s been a nightmare.

Me and my two flatmates, Joey and Killa, decided to move in together in February of last year. We found a fantastic flat in the West End, moved in around June, and have been mostly living the dream.

Killa is actually  the chillest person on earth. She once let a pal crash in her room and to cut a long story short, he literally pissed on her floor, and she was totally cool about it.

I think that says a lot about a person.

But what sucks about living with your friends is that it’s hard to make good financial decisions for yourself when you’re trying to be nice.

When Killa told us she had to leave, we didn’t want to ask her for rent.

We decided to take the plunge and find a new flatmate before the rent was due next, and we let K know that she didn’t have to worry about it at all.

As a student, adding 150 odd quid to your rent each month is not really an option. We needed to find someone stat.

Obviously, there were loads of people looking for rooms at the beginning of term. All we had to do was find one of them.

Me and Joey were really not that picky. We wanted the rent paid on time, and someone you could make small talk with if you happened to run into them in the kitchen.

Apparently, even this was too high a standard for the people that came to see the flat.

The first viewing was probably the worst. This guy’s attitude was so beyond horrible. Due to his fashion sense, I’ll call him tight jumper.

Tight jumper marched in and began to verbally attack my flat with vague but unsettling comments: “I mean, I know you can’t expect a flat to be perfect, but..”

“Ugh, I’m so desperate for a flat, I’m sure I could find a way to make this work.”

“Oh… is this really the bathroom?”

“The kitchen’s cute, I guess. I mean, I could probably fit in here to cook dinner”

I’m totally down for people wanting to find the perfect flat for them. Ask questions. Be critical.

But maybe don’t be a prick about the flat to the people who call it home because they probably won’t like you or let you move in.

As he was walking out, despite all of its flaws, he decided he liked our flat. He turned to me, pen in hand, and demanded my bank details.

We somehow managed to get “fuck off” to sound like a polite refusal and thankfully he left quickly.

The next guy was a total sweetheart but really sad. He was a mature student who seemed desperate to prove he was still with it.

We set up his viewing last minute and hadn’t done a proper tidy before hand.

Joey apologised for the mess and the guy said: “ Oh, I know what this is like. Living with students. So studenty.”

He proceeded to remind us of his student status and how we’re all students here and how appropriate our flat was for students. He was clinging to youth a little hard.

He was nice enough, but despite his emphasis on being a student, something gave us an inkling he wouldn’t be able to hang with the student lifestyle.

Fastforward a month, and we now have someone living in the room. He seemed perfect.

He’s got a Mohawk and plays guitar. He gave us rent for October. Sorted.

Until we asked for his details to rewrite a contract for the room.

He told J he wasn’t willing to sign a contract as some friends might be moving to Glasgow and he could get a flat with them.

Sorry mate, this isn’t a hotel. You don’t get to sample the flat for a month or two until you find greener pastures.

And we’re back in the same boat. After having so many rude, awkward, and downright creepy people wander through our home, we’re not really looking forward to starting the process again.

So if you’re looking for a room right next to the uni don’t hesitate to get in touch. You can probably find me on Tuesdays in the Garage’s “hot tub” drinking their sad excuse for a vodka and coke.

I promise I’m not always this bitter. But desperation does that to a girl.