The 15 biggest lies that every Exeter student tells themself during Freshers’ Week

9. I won’t get Freshers’ Flu

Freshers’ Week – the ubiquitous language of the drunk 18-year-old: a whole week which signifies irresponsibility and fun. But we’ve all heard the cautionary tales (or at least, your mum told you…) – those students who dropped out one week in, and those who partied way too hard and had a total nervy b.

But not you – you won’t be one of these amateurs, you’ve been waiting for this since you submitted that UCAS application. But, no matter how prepared you are for Freshers’ – and by prepared, I do mean your student fridge/freezer is stuffed with potato wedges, garlic mayo and you have Beroccas at the ready – you will definitely do at least 11 of these 15 things:

1. I won’t spend all my money

Hate to break it to you, but Freshers’ is expensive: between the club tickets, pre-drinking and those random shots you buy for people who you think could be lifelong friends, you’ll probably spend way more money than you plan, and definitely more than your maintenance loan allows.

2. I won’t sleep with my flatmate

Fact: flatcest will happen, even if it’s the last thing you plan.

3. I won’t add random people on Snapchat

Tequila + Freshers’ nights out + insecurity = people popping up on SnapMaps who you 100 per cent do not remember

4. I won’t throw up

Whether it’s a little en suite or communal bathrooms, there will be vomit somewhere around those lino floors by the end of the week – tactical or not, it’s all something we vehemently swear we won’t be doing, but usually always do.

5. I will not eat pasta for every meal

I know we all head off to uni thinking we’re a fairly decent cook, but honestly whether hungover, drunk, or just hungry, you will crave that sweet, beige gluten fix, and be far too weak to resist said craving.

6. I will not get sharked

Sharking I’m afraid is almost a right of way, and usually unavoidable as a result of some convincing third years who claim they’re first year law, when in fact they’re third year geography.

7. I will not get drunk food

Wondering where that maintenance loan went? Yup, it was on curly fries, and boy were they worth it – drunk or not, they are cracking.

8. I will not lose my ID

Unfortunately, a cruel, cruel side effect of the patriarchy is women’s clothes having no pockets – and the inevitable result is lost ID (/debit cards / keys). Don’t worry though, Overheard usually has your back.

9. I won’t get Freshers’ Flu

With the combination of no sleep, late nights, questionable “home-cooked” food, and no parents to look after you, Freshers’ Flu is inevitable I’m afraid.

10. I definitely won’t get homesick

Whether it hits you as soon as your mum’s Volvo is out of sight, or once you’ve got a raging fever and there’s no one bringing you sweet tea and comfort food, you will get homesick at some point. Totally normal and nothing to be ashamed of, there is one sure fire cure: hitting the dance-floor as soon as possible.

11. I won’t buy LED strip lights for my room

You will, and it will look totally nauties Britney – aka. totally worth it.

12. I won’t be an embarrassing drunk

We all have our own drunk alter ego: dancing on the table, pestering the DJ, getting kicked out of the club, outrageous flirting, drunk messaging, befriending total strangers, gushing about how much we love our friends, the stumbler, – the list goes on. We all have a special drunk personality, and Freshers’ Week is the perfect time to find out what yours is.

13. I will keep in touch with everyone I meet in Freshers’

Really? Even those guys in the smoking area outside Unit? The ones whose names you can’t even remember? To be fair, some people you meet in Freshers’ Week you will keep in touch with and may even become some of your closest friends, but honestly don’t worry if you drift away from people you meet in your first week – it happens.

14. I will never wear fancy dress

It may take you until Reading Week to realise it, but fancy dress rules. Who doesn’t love a good theme?

15. I won’t go to Freshers’ events just for the freebies

Between the Domino’s vouchers and free tote bags, Freshers’ Fairs are where you can reclaim some of that money you lost in the squadka filled haze of Freshers’. We’ve all done it, own it (literally) x

Related stories recommended by this writer:

What to do if you don’t get your first choice accommodation

This is which Exeter accommodation you should be in, based on your coffee order

A definitive guide to all the Exeter slang you need to know