What does your uni sport say about you? (Male version)

Our cheeky run-down of sporting stereotypes (please don’t cry)

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Wherever you go in the world, there exist rivalries between practitioners of various sports.

Rugby players think footballers are soft, cricketers think hockey players are failed cricketers and everybody thinks lacrosse is played by complete pigeons.

However, do these stereotypes hold true for the Green Machine?

Rugby League

Despite it being the most athletically challenging sport of all on the list, the league boys manage, somehow, to sport some of the ropiest rigs on campus.

Played also by those not loose enough enough to handle Union socials – or not well-connected enough – to advance on the playing side.

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Rig, rig city, bitch

Cricket

Cricket is a sport that, apart from at international level, is played in the summer months – often with a chilly pint of lager in hand to provide a gentle counterpoint to the pleasant sun overhead.

Uni finishes in May. Why, then, bother being part of a club whose sole purpose cannot be fulfilled?

They are in possession of some of the slickest bolts in the uni, however, as well as some beautifully coiffed lids.

Spotted: a cricketer in its natural habitat

Spotted: a cricketer in its natural habitat

Lacrosse 

Christ, where do I start?

The insistence on occupying the Forum and treating it like a clubhouse? The chat, which is certifiably as reprehensible as physically beating freshers?

Or the sticks, helmets and padding that are carried round like spoils of war – but smell like they haven’t seen a wash since Jesus was wandering the wilderness?

We can conclude without any recourse that blokes that play lax are choppers of the highest order.

Oh stop it

Oh stop it

Rugby Union

Many of this fine club play to a very high standard, and are modest, talented individuals.

Sadly, though, the vast majority wander around campus in full RFC stash, taking the credit earned by the 1s whilst hiding the fact that they have made one solitary appearance on the wing for the 5s.

Also known for having perfected the ‘sloppy form curl’ in the gym, and skipping leg day on the regular.

Ew, just ew.

Ew, just ew.

Football

The ginger stepson of University sport, football has very little going for it.

Neglected by the vast majority of rah individuals here on the grounds that it’s just a bit too common, it is also a minnow on the national scene due to the shortage of chavs to inhabit the higher up teams.

There is always a noticeable absence in TP on a Wednesday, presumably distracted by the prospect of chasing tramps up and down Sidwell street to try and take their money off them.

Still, at least they’re not lacrosse.

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