Let’s Get It On

After discussing whose place you should go to for a night of passion in my last article, I thought a good follow-up would be the all-important soundtrack to your post-night out hook-up.

Take some time to hit the play button and you can avoid any awkwardness or unwanted intensity that comes with the strain of silence.

What you play while you’re getting down to it can say a lot about you and does a lot to set the mood. It’s scientifically proven that being comfortable is the ultimate key to orgasm, and music can play an important part in getting this right.

So here’s my guide to what should be on your playlist, and what most definitely should not.

(Oh and yes, people do have a playlist exclusively for their one-night stands. I’ve even heard of guys seeing how long it takes them to get from entering the bedroom to sex by playing their list in the same order with each person. Not that I’d recommend that, it’s not like you’re in any rush…)

Anyway, here we go.

Turn this on to turn them on:

1) Chilled out sexy – smooth tunes are the way forward: they say casual yet sensual, and are totally uncontrived. Generally to be found among the relaxed R’n’B tracks, these will create a light, unpressured atmosphere. Top Tunes: You Rock My World, Michael Jackson; Confessions Part II, Usher

2) Playfully explicit – Songs that directly address sex in a lively, jokey manner might not do much for the mood, but if your conquest has a sense of humour, a couple of these tracks should up the ‘bants’. Sex should be fun. Massive LAD points to anyone who plays I Just Had Sex directly after. Not sure how well it’ll go down. Top Tunes: The Bad Touch, Bloodhound Gang; Candy Shop, 50 Cent

3) Current clubby – the kind of tunes that keep that club vibe going in the bedroom, reminding you of your meeting and subsequent pulling in the club half an hour before. Upbeat and fun, they are useful for ensuring an energetic atmosphere. Top Tunes: Titanium, David Guetta ft. Sia; Mama Do The Hump, Rizzle Kicks

4) A bit different – show them your quirky side with something that’s not particularly well-known or liked. Being into something different says you don’t care what people think and are interesting as well as hot. Don’t pretend to be a fan when you’re not though, could get awkward if they ask which is your fave track…Top Tunes: Another Man’s Cause, The Levellers;  Debaser, Pixies

…And leave these out:

1) Unashamedly sexual – Mostly the soulful work of cool black guys who know how to work a sexy bass, these heavy tunes are explicitly designed for luuuurvemaking. Although good to get you in the mood, the overt sexiness might be a bit too much, so maybe save these for when you’re in a relationship. Worst offenders: Bump 'n' Grind, R Kelly; Let’s Get It On, Barry White

2) Sentimental schmaltz – This kind of music, when played by a guy, implies try-hard sensitivity: anything too bittersweet just doesn’t seem sincere. And if girls play emotional songs that link sex with love, you can’t blame the boy for thinking you’re expecting some form of commitment, which will almost definitely terrify him. Avoid at all costs. Worst offenders: Kiss Me, Ed Sheeran; Paperweight, Joshua Radin

3) Casual misogyny – any songs degrading women probably aren’t the best idea. Mostly the work of rap artists who like dem b*tches to know their place, they’re only useful if your girl is into being subjugated or you’re doing some form of kinky roleplay. Otherwise you might want to leave these ones off the playlist. Worst offenders: Move B*tch, Ludacris; Shake That, Eminem ft. Nate Dogg

4) Too niche – Ok, so in I said above to show your alternative side, but there is a line. Avoid anything downright scary or bizarre: this is not conducive to being turned on. Worst offenders: Crisis, Alexisonfire; Téo and Téa, Jean Michel Jarre

So there you have it – all the dos and don’ts of a perfect sexy playlist. Be aware that your lover might well see it, so don’t make the mistake of then calling it ‘TUNES FOR GETTING LAAAAAAAIIIIID’…