The Tab News Column Week 3: Home Improvements and a Soapy Surprise
Cambridge is basically DIY SOS rn
Interior decor in the bunkabins
Medwards students may be charged extortionate amounts to live in a bunkabin, but at least the fengshui is on point.
The temporary accommodation for Murray Edwards students during renovations – that costs £1,600 – has been vamped up with welcome mats. Now the "bespoke" bunkabins have a certain je ne sais quoi. Evidently, this was all they were lacking.
Fairy Liquid bonanza
Whoever said there wasn't a cleaning fairy?
In a baffling act of self-promotion that nobody asked for and nobody wanted, Proctor and Gamble sent the Peterhouse JCR secretary a "frankly comic volume of dish soap". It has since been redistributed across the undergraduate population, making Peterhouse College itself pungent with the scent of "clean and fresh pink jasmine". Ah, my favourite eau de parfum.
Clare cooking controversy
Students living in Memorial Court have been banned from cooking.
Due to a failed fire alarm system, the Clare porters sent out a blanket email asserting that "under no circumstance should any cooking take place" in affected areas in Memorial Court. Boiling a kettle is the highest form of culinary skill they are allowed to display – standard students then tbh.
Residents of these areas have been give £5 a day in buttery credit, and staircase X has been swamped with imposters competing to use the only working gyps.
Parties have also been banned!
Corpus Clock is BACK
Not-so-BREAKING news: the Corpus Clock is no longer in hibernation.
We can all sleep easy. The creepy crawly timepiece that we all know and love is back, functioning (as much as it ever does), and telling everyone the wrong time. The world is finally set to rights.
Trinity seeks positive publicity
Trinity students from certain postcodes have been asked to make sure they speak positively about the college.
In the wake of negative publicity from The Cambridge Tab and other news outlets exposing Trinity's poor record in admitting students from disadvantaged backgrounds, the college has taken steps to improve its image.
The Tab, as part of its 10x campaign, hopes that this may be a step in efforts towards greater access rather than just good PR.
Medwards students woken up far too early
Even more accommodation issues for the Medwards girls – builders are waking them up at 8AM and earlier! Outrageous.
Despite an agreement that the building-work would not begin this early, students at Murray Edwards have been roused from their slumber by noise before 8AM regularly.
On the bright side, they have been promised compensation for their inconvenience – perhaps the building work itself, or perhaps just for the early starts. This was not specified.
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It’s not over yet, but it should be!!!
BRADLEY, GET OFF THE ROOF
Welcome to the world Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor!!!