These are the five types of people you’ll find when it snows
Which one are you?
Snow has come to Cambridge!!! Nine days after the end of term, actual, snowman-worthy snow has arrived – further proving the curse of the 8-week term.
Despite the auguries of global warming, many places across the country may see a white Christmas. This is not a drill. In preparation for that, and in typical The Tab fashion, we have distinguished the five stereotypes to which people revert as soon as snow hits. Which one are you?
This person sees snow as an excuse to escape from the real world and remain in sufficiently fluffy attire from dusk to dawn – PJs 24/7? No problem. As if from thin air, they reveal a trove of liquids, powders, and equipment whose sole purpose it is to create the perfect hot beverage. This is not a simple matter of deluxe hot chocolate with some cheeky marshmallows, but an artistic endeavour full of flavour shots and milk frothers that would make any artisan barista purr. They seemingly have every Christmas and feel-good film ever created on DVD – screw Netflix and Amazon Prime, the snow takes the snuggler back a decade. Finally, they have all of the blankets. Every single one. This is the person you want to be stuck with during a blizzard!
In stark contrast to the snuggler, the studier uses the snow as an excuse to actually get on with their vacation work without any distractions or the temptation to venture out into the inevitable frostbite of the outdoor world. This person locks themselves in a room, with the heating on full blast, and endless cups of tea, to simply do their work; the sort of work we all should be doing right now, but instead I am writing this article and you are reading it. This is the person we love to hate.
Endearingly, this stereotype reverts to a childlike state of elation, nostalgic for the unihibited excitement that accompanied a snow day when they were at primary school – oh, those days without responsibilities! As opposed to the usual zombie-esque dirge of a morning routine, this person leaps out of bed as soon as they see settled snow through their window, wraps up in as many layers as they can fit on their body, shoves on some unflattering boots, and is rolling around in the snow without a care in the world by 10.30am. Despite their age, their family still have a sledge in working condition. They spend the whole day in icy glee – building a structurally sound snowman (I'm picturing an engineer or Phys-NatSci here), having snowball fights with local youths, and sliding around on a piece of plastic attached to string. Then they return home with a brewing cold and no cares in the world.
The Resourceful One
This is the one who knows what to do when the car doors are frozen shut or when the boiler breaks and there is no heating in your house. They carry not only an ice scraper in their car, but de-icing spray, a snow shovel, spare thermals, and a portable kettle. This is that kind soul that spends the morning shovelling snow for all of the neighbours and making sure that everyone is safe. AKA total babe.
The Fearless One
The Beyoncé of subzero temperatures, if you will. This person does not layer up in the snow – how they survive, we don't know. They still queue for the club in their heels and skimpy outfit, almost in indignation at the audacity of the snow for trying to ruin their night out (#stiffupperlip). They will walk to where they need in normal shoes if their car is blocked in and certainly will not complain about the cold. Basically, we are in awe of this person. If this is you, we bow down.