How to succeed in the Camdram clique

So you thought you’d “give Cambridge theatre a go”? Wrong. Your soul is now the property of the ADC theatre. Here are the next steps.

First of all, you’d better kiss your weekly essays goodbye – now you’ll be writing them at 4.30am, squinting at a previously unopened book, knowing that the deadline (and your will to live) expired approximately ten hours ago. RIP.

On that note: sleep? Don’t you mean waiting aimlessly in a gradually emptying ADC auditorium for the vague promise that “the bar will open… soon…” Who needs sleep when you could witness the entire cast of several shows drowning their sorrows while dancing to the Time Warp as your 9am creeps steadily closer?

The cast of How to Succeed… Credit: Oscar Yang

Getting into ADC culture is all about tactics. You know that guy who’s looking for an assistant director? Well he’s also directing that show everyone wants to be in and if you butter him up now who knows what will happen. Not to mention that Footlights BNOC who wants a Stage Manager. Who cares if you hate the idea almost as much as your DoS now hates you, and haven’t slept in a week – you need the Camdram credits anyway. Nothing like some healthy nepotism in the morning (the early morning. It’s 5am now, and you haven’t slept yet.)

Grudgebridge’s opinion on the Camdram phenomenon

Even though it’s clearly not popular with everyone, Camdram is your life now. Enough said. Seriously, set that website as your homepage because it’s about to become your best friend. (Be honest, you’ve got it open right now haven’t you?) You’ll need to keep up to date with who’s working on what, with who, where and when if you’re going to have even a hope of success.

Not to mention the fierce rivalry about credits. Get those in fast because when you see that the guy you did a show with in Freshers is on 18 credits by the end of Lent term, your pathetic 3 is going to look, well, pathetic.

Bitchiness is key. Claw your way to the top – that director totally deserved that appalling review, and God, did you hear who got the lead role in that show? You’ll know who your real friends are when you’ve made a Facebook chat dedicated to dragging everyone else.

I hear she does car commercials… in Japan

If you don’t already know 95% of the theatre scene on a first name basis, and have a weird theatrical crush on half of them, then what are you even doing here? (Go on – have a Camdram stalk, you know you want to). They’ve been in ten ADC main shows, know everyone, and they’re single? Not for long.

And finally, make sure you’ve got a good list of excuses up your sleeve for when your DoS asks you what you’ve been doing all term, because “Theatre” just isn’t going to cut it. And it’s more than just theatre isn’t it guys…

…did you know Eddie Redmayne started off here?