DEAR SON: Anti-Immigration letter sent to JCRs

It’s nice to get things from your family- the odd parcel, a letter, that sort of thing. Your real family that is, not blokes who write letters to your JCR President calling themselves “Dad.”

Yes, like a lizard crawling out of whichever well-stocked stationery cupboard he seems to occupy (yellow, green, and red card? Quite remarkable if you ask me), “Dad” has fired off another missive to JCRs, this time on rather fetching yellow card. This time, it’s about “Immigration, Multiracialism & Multiculturalism.” And boy, does “Dad” have something to say about it.

 The letter begins with a bit of reminiscing about “my postgrad time in Edinburgh… when I was arrested for disrupting the rugby at Murrayfield when the Springboks were playing.”

The scarlet (well, yellow) letters, in all their glory.

Following on from the rugby, “Dad” describes an exchange between him (in his “right on progressive” mode) and some Geordie construction workers about immigration. Not content with putting us out our misery and ending the letter there, he describes how “the people who really need their bottoms kicked are, in this case, my own and all the other dumb liberals”, criticising how (in his eyes) immigration was forced on an unwilling England by a “self-righteous, undemocratic political class.”

Given the political crisis of last night, with the election of Donald Trump, it could perhaps be assumed that the racist undertones of this letter come from across the pond.

The letter is rambling, and its appearance is both baffling and (particularly following the latest batch of homophobic letters, this time printed on red card) slightly sinister. So don’t read a letter about rugby in Edinburgh- instead, take Renton’s advice (modified for Cambridge): Choose life. Choose a subject. Choose a degree. Choose a college family. Choose a club. Choose your future. Choose life.

Choose anything other than reading “Dad’s” letters.