We asked students at other universities what they think about Cambridge

What rhymes with punts?

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We may be the best ranked University in the country, and we know we’re the best, but the rest of the country doesn’t exactly share our pride.

We asked students from 11 Universities what they think of Cambridge. Ironically, about half of them are as posh and twattish as we are.

Dominic Taylor – Oxford

“When I think of Cambridge, I think of a peculiar, pale, lifeless creature incapable of looking beyond UMS scores to the wonders of social interaction. Cambridge is in a dark and remote pocket of England with no sun and no fun, which is probably why it gets full marks (we know you love those) for consistently churning out massive wierdos.”

From the Other Place

Eddie Mitchell – Durham

“Oh, you put Durham as your first choice too? Yea, so did I.” This is of course a conversation that has never happened, as the day that we all decided that Durham is the place to be is the same day all you fuckers got your acceptance letters. We saw the Durham cathedral on our prospectus that could get away with being an annex to Kings and assumed that we’ve got the next best thing. It’s not that we all hate you – it’s more that we have to assume you’re all weird Milhouse-types to cater to our own insecurities.

“We need Doxbridge to be a thing to give our own pitiful undergraduate lives meaning. While all you lot will become leaders among men, we have to rely on that graduate job in the city that Daddy set up through his golf friends. We may all laugh at you for being sweaty try-hards, but deep down we all secretly wish that we’d tried harder at our A-Levels so we could take a girl punting down the river instead of just taking her to Nandos.”

Having a whale of a time in Durham

Ludo Graham – Bristol

“Despite the vast array of assurances from friends at Oxford that Cambridge students are all c***s, I have always struggled to really differentiate between the two.”

Oxbridge makes me grimace

Oliver & Lizzie – Exeter

“As soon as I stepped off the train at Cambridge station I noticed all the poshos in their oversized parkas. Have to admit I felt at home really. I’d only need to step out of my door really and head over to Arena (our student club), oh good old Exetah… you think the rents in Cambridge are expensive but Holland Hall will give you a run for your money!

“You guys might have a bit more work than us but we get to run around in nothing but a bin bag in a field at the end of the year for our safe sex ball. What more could you want?”

They’d rather be at Cambridge, let’s be honest

Lizzie Jackson – King’s College London

“I was visiting a friend in Cambridge last year, and after two minutes of walking from the station, a bike slammed into me and knocked me over. I had a headache for the rest of the day. Oh, and I also learnt that Cambridge students don’t like their gowns to be called ‘capes’. My bad.”

“Oh good, the photo where I look the least Cambridge material”

Jezebelle Connell – Trinity College Dublin

“Visiting Cambridge was honestly quite a shock. I was astounded by how quiet everything was, how few students seemed to be out and about and the sheer extent of the work you poor souls are laden with. My friend assures me that this was just because I visited during exam time and that you guys aren’t as nose to the grindstone as you seemed.

“But what really got me was that you guys don’t have repeats, if you fail you’re out, your year off-books, as we would call it, is instead ‘degrading’. I don’t know if there’s enough space for mistakes, and God knows that’s what a lot of eighteen- to twenty-something year olds need. That said you’ve got a fudge kitchen and you’re basically attending Hogwarts so maybe it all evens out.”

B&W = Bullshit and Work amirite?

Chloe Belsham – Sheffield

“There’s a fuck loads of bikes everywhere. EVERYWHERE. The spoons is cool though, it’s massive. Cambridge is pretty and scenic.”

“Urgh, Cambridge.”

William Ashworth-Farley – St Andrew’s

“Naturally St Andrews was the only university I ever wanted to go to – the fact that I was rejected from Cambridge after interview is irrelevant. For me, Cambridge looks good on a CV, but it’s far too gaudy, busy and full of tourists. Why not go to a nice secluded Scottish university instead? One with a real sense of class and history.

“All I’m saying is, there’s a reason Will and Kate chose to come here. Plus, at Cambridge it’s all work and you don’t have time to really explore yourself, which is why we’re just so much better. I’m definitely going to do my Masters at Cambridge though, but that’s an entirely different matter.”

“Tbf I belong in Cambridge”

Steph Michael – York

“Pretentious, wealthy and dull – three things I realised Cambridge students aren’t as I sat spooning basics spaghetti outta the can, reflecting on my trip to the apparently infamous Cindies. It’s like Cambridge students live in their own world, where a nightclub that plays the Lion King and shuts at 3am is a perfectly normally thing.”

It’s called the Cambridge Bubble dear

Andrew Wallbridge – Queen’s University, Canada

“When spoken to, Cambridge students seem to think ‘going hard’ involves a bottle of wine and some jazz. Let’s just say there’s a reason it’s only the second half of Oxbridge.”

“Ha Ha, I mentioned the Other Place”

Florence Prosser – Edinburgh

“Well, I think that Cambridge is quite secular. People who go there have to be careful when writing Tab articles, because they always run the risk of seeming completely up themselves.”

“It’s the truth”

So there you have it. But don’t h8 us coz u ain’t us amirite?