Proof: booze brings top grades

A clear correlation has been found between the amount of money colleges spend on alcohol and the percentage of firsts they receive.

Alcohol Booze colleges first grades harry shukman learn proof study Wine

A genius Cambridge grad has found a link between the money colleges spend on booze and the number of firsts their students achieve.

Churchill grad Grayden Reece-Smith has made a chart that appears to show a relationship between the amount of wine supplied by colleges and academic performance.

wine

Students have widely accepted that this chart is the best excuse for bad behaviour since telling your mum you only read Playboy for the articles.

Speaking to The Tab, Land Economy grad Grayden said he decided to make the chart after reading about college spending on wine. 

“I noticed that the colleges with the highest wine budgets were traditionally those that were also high in the Tompkins Table. I knew there would be a correlation before I made the chart.”

In spite of popular opinion, Grayden isn’t trying to convince college top brass to stock up on booze to get more firsts. “I do not believe that a high wine budget causes good grades.

“Colleges that are older, larger and wealthier tend to have higher wine budgets, in part because historically fellows have often been paid in food and wine.

“It would not be sensible to increase money spent on wine in the hope of academic improvement, but it is an amusing idea.”

This chart comes a month after revelations that Cambridge colleges spent more money on alcohol than access for students.

Every cloud…