Elly Booth – Week 2

Following her Hitchcockian shower horror last week, ELLY BOOTH is back with an oddly rousing call to arms for January…

bar maid bar work Cambridge University Christmas memories Cindies column columnist depression don't feel sad eat pie elly booth Geography graduate happy January blues Life mistletoe pharrel williams pie post Christms serving shots snogging week 2

This week I wished I was a little Belgian man with a silly moustache. There was a mystery to be solved that had been puzzling me for quite some time: why is January really so bad?

Last Sunday night, I made the choice to trade the sweaty pig pen of Life for a chilled gossip in the bar with the girls. After rather a bit too much wine, I slumped onto my sofa as Annie Mac’s well-informed selections filled the room. It was heaven.

Like velvet to a shaved armpit…

Then disaster struck. My oasis was interrupted by two guys totally getting up in my grill (merci for the phrase Lucy Watson). The topic under hot debate was how to make us happy in January. Now, I get that we live in a eudaemonic society (yes we do learn things in Geography), so ‘why so serious’?

Don't cry pie, don't feel beaten - you were meant to be eaten!

Don’t cry pie, don’t feel beaten – you were meant to be eaten!

According to Newsbeat, England is in a pretty shitty place right now. But the moment you say life is bad, or open your mouth to whinge, you make it it feel even worse.

If the state of our country is a reason to be depressed, then the guy who changed the signs on the tube definitely has the right modus operandi. Not only is he buttering up the undying hell of rush hour, but he is laughing in the face of austerity. He is laughing at the dilemmas faced by our little island as it bobs melancholically and passive-aggressively in the middle of the ocean.

There is a certain irony to the signs...

There is a certain irony to the signs…

Whatever the state our country is in, however, why does it have to feel even worse in January? Don’t let it!

You may be fatter, poorer and cold, but you can still remember the memories of Christmas! You can remember kissing that boy – you used to run naked around his garden! – under the mistletoe. Who cares if he was no Colin Firth! You can remember watching freshers chunder everywhere at a party following an ungodly amount of wine. You can remember your Grandma talking excitedly about the new ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ movie at dinner. I repeat: you can remember Christmas!

Further, you are now back in the living, breathing beauty of Cambridge and it is only week two. You have got through a whole week of dancing in Cindies, waking up in Girton and making it to 9am lectures on time (if anyone has ever managed that I am very impressed).

You are back with Uni friends. These are friends who understand a DoS meeting isn’t actually a doss meeting, don’t think of VKs as a pre-pubescent drink and know that Sunday Life isn’t a form of religious activity.

Finally, January is a time full of excitement. We have a whole new year in front of us and none of you could possibly be more nervous than this potential Geography graduate. The chances are that in 12 months’ time I will be working in a bar serving shots to Warwick Uni students, but who knows?

So to those of you who are actually depressed (or just bored of my shockingly bad writing), switch on this week’s number one and I am sure you will be feeling as happy as if you woke up next to Adriana Lima:

Because nothing is more uplifting than a lyric video publicizing a fake Pixar film…

Happy Monday!