Stab in the Dark – Student Slasher Horror At Cindies

Grad Week is known as a time when emotions run high, no more so than at the heart-rending Last-Cindies-Ever. This year, passions overflowed outside the hallowed Cambridge institution as one student – alcohol presumably filling the spot where common sense should be – threatened another with a knife.

Luke Haggerty, who studied economics at Trinity, was visibly upset, sobbing and appearing to hyperventilate, as his sentence was handed down to him in Cambridge Crown Court: Luke was given a suspended sentence, a 12-month supervision order and told to pay £480 costs.

Haggerty, 22, was found “stupidly drunk” on the night of June 27th by police and escorted home. He, however, did not go to bed and instead returned to the club – this time wielding the offensive weapon.

Before sentencing, Recorder John Foy QC summed up the night’s traumatic events: “According to an independent witness you brushed past a couple of people to face the victim, who was maybe three metres away.

“He could see the knife in your right hand and it was outstretched towards him and then you went closer to him. Fortunately for him, and fortunately for you, he ran away.”

It is not known what the two had been arguing about earlier in the evening.

Caroline Allison, defending Haggerty, told the court that he was devastated by the “stigma, upset and shame” that his actions had brought upon his family and the university.

“This is not what some of the public might think of as a posh lad”, she said, “who has had every opportunity and thrown it away with no thought at all.”

Educated at selective, co-educational Ripon Grammar School, Haggerty achieved his dream of going to Cambridge after getting all A*s at GCSE and A level at the same time as working a string of part time jobs. He narrowly missed out on a first.

Now interning in the City, making a cool £800 a week, Haggerty was active both inside and outside the classroom.  A participant of mixed martial arts at the Tsunami Gym, where the Cambridge MMA team trains, Haggerty was also involved with the Assassins, Trinity Boat Club, and the Chocolate Society. He is also rumoured to have been a member of the secretive Night Climbers of Cambridge.