What Men Want

You’ve heard from the women, but how can you impress your man?

aphrodisiac cooking favour love lust Men Monkey pleasure romance Sex women

It will come as no surprise that putting into Google ‘what men want’ produces some 88 million hits, including websites such as ‘catchhimandkeephim.com.’ and books such as ‘Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus’. But is the only difference between men and women that piece of meat between your legs? The Tab went on a journey to bring you the opinions of some Cambridge students on the matter. This data was compiled in a highly scientific manner, and should be deemed as accurate: Confessions on A4 sheets of paper.

Q: What’s your ultimate fantasy?

The bizarre

‘I would have my girlfriend dress up as Professor McGonagall for the day because I can’t handle her rugged femininity.’

What Can I say? A fetish is a fetish, and a Harry Potter related one is somehow all the more filthy. Don’t be afraid to use this Valentine’s to reveal to your partner your inner most fantasy…

The sexual

Keep it simple, we all like to bump uglies, whether it’s with your soul mate or it’s with someone saved in your phone under the name ‘Terry in the red trousers from Cindies’. Spread the love and not the STIs…

The Romantic

One single man, one loved up boyfriend and one man recently out of a relationship are depicted below. Despite what many people may say, boys like cuddles too and they certainly ain’t afraid of romance. Girls are not the only ones with ‘a lot of feelings.’ Take these guys lead and express yourself! Either with a drunken text, interpretive dance, a poem or a performance on the loot!

The material

Whether it’s something to pet on those cold and lonely nights in college, or the complete works of Sigmund Freud, don’t forget that everyone likes a gift. But take note, no guy on this extensive survey of serious academic research answered with ‘tacky watch’ , ‘teddy bear holding a heart from Clintons’, or ‘David Beckham’s new fragrance’. It seems real-life guys (not in an Argos catalogue) might not want something that’s clichéd after all. What a surprise. Homemade or from the pet shop is the way to go.

Food is the way to a man’s heart

It may be an old saying, as likely to come out of a grandma’s mouth as casual racism and the word ‘deary’, but perhaps it still stands. Not to assume that it’s only men who like a good feed, but it certainly seems, men, food and romance are a threesome made in heaven. Boys, girls, cook up and enjoy!

Coco says Bananas always set the mood for him on Valentine’s Day. Their high potassium and phallic shape are perfect for a night in with his mate.

World peace

One participant asked for peace between North and South Korea. Not something you can buy from Clintons, but certainly an indicator that not all men just want pig products and sexual favours. So here’s to big, worldwide love! Surely on that men and women can agree.