What A Cult

A French wiccan has sparked panic in Cambridge over plans to open an occult centre in the city, and target University students.

Magnus Lynius Shadee, the self-proclaimed King of All Witches, plans to unveil the centre, which will offer exorcisms and marriage ceremonies, on Christmas Eve.

“The ideal date would be December 24th”, said the barmy frog. It is understood by The Tab that this is one of the best dates to communicate with the dead.

Shady Shadee has already opened a number if centres in and around his home of Neuilly-le-Vendin, Normandy. The Rev Ian Church, who has visited the town, expressed his alarm.

“Mr Shadee is most certainly an occultist in the truest form, and I am of no doubt of the powers he can summon, within the paranormal,” he said.

“My concerns are that if he is allowed to open an occult centre there would be an epidemic of anti-faiths.”

Other members of the Christian community tried unconvincingly to play down Rev Church’s claims.

“It will be a shockingly bad thing for Cambridge”, said Father David Paul.

“Whilst it is obviously a load of nonsense it will appeal to people who are in distress or are vulnerable. It really is manipulation of people's fears and a complete fraud. People who go to these things often end up with mental problems.”

“A lot of Cambridge University students come to the city and can be very vulnerable. This sort of thing may seem interesting but it is actually very seedy.”

The terror has been sparked further by Shadee’s recent comments – that he conjured up a demon in a city church.

He claims to have instructed the evil spirit to “dwell” in the famous church to “cleanse it”.

“It's an element”, said the witch in a bizarre statement released yesterday. “A hunter that will attach itself to an individual, then try to take the person, either send them insane and make them depressed, and the worst is to cause them to take their physical life.”

And he also had a message for Fr Paul: “I will have to visit Mr David Paul's church and perform a ritual for him – perhaps he will be converted.”

Join The Tab on CultWatch, as we track Shadee in the run-up to the opening of the centre.