You’re not allowed to smoke by the Harbourside anymore

Busybodies want to take away your right to be a feckless dumbass


Health-conscious pen-pushers in the local council have voted for two harbourside areas to become smoking-free zones this week.

The sweet sweet taste of a fresh cancer stick

Millenium Square and Anchor Square are to become hostile territory for anyone who has ever enjoyed a drag or two to pass the time.

Having already been forced out of bars, pubs and other indoor areas, smokers will now be encouraged to voluntarily stub out their ciggies by eleven signs promoting a “smoke-free, healthy and clean” Bristol.

The opposite of smoke-free, healthy and clean?

This six-month pilot initiative is being carried out by the City Council and government-backed health group Smokefree South West, whose director and chief meddler Fiona Andrews said without irony: “It’s exciting, we anticipate a lasting impact on the region”.

You can still look great even when your lungs are solid charcoal

Her minion and deputy Kate Knight even went so far as to say: “We hope it gives people confidence to ask others to stop if they are smoking”.

In fact, that’s pretty much what the scheme relies upon, as there will be no officials on hand to penalise anyone caught breaking the new rule.

Kate went on to add: “We expect the scheme to be self-policing”.