Would you rather … ?

Would you rather be trapped on a desert island with 100 Physics Students for a year?

Not renowned for personal hygiene or capacity to interact with other human beings, a year on a desert island with this lot would surely be unbearable!? The heat, the isolation, the maths jokes… You may be forgiven for descending into madness and engaging in physical confrontation with one of them. Whilst this may not at first appear to be anything remotely like a daunting prospect, the other 99 would surely be able to calculate how to exact their revenge. Ostracised from normal society, they are loyal within their own ranks and wouldn’t take kindly to your violence. You would surely then be powerless, and would have to surrender yourself for the year to passively endure their company.

Can i borrow your sun cream please?

….Or live in Halls until you are 40?

Its good fun when you are in your early twenties but at 40 imagine the noise, second hand smoke and the feeling of coming into your kitchen to find drug-addled students strewn across your crockery. Coming back after a long hard day’s work when you are in your thirties to the cold, Stalinist architecture, trying to cook a nutritional meal on a hob caked in the residue of basics noodles, and then going to sleep in your room, separated only from your pot-addicted neighbour by a paper thin wall that might as well be made out of a napkin it’s so useless at offering privacy. Lying there, with your partner and maybe even kids, listening to two hammered students sexually disappoint each other for a few minutes repeatedly even hour.

mother, when is the thudding going to stop?