It’s that time of year again. The time when it’s difficult to differentiate between girls weeping with disappointment over poor exam results or just having awful make-up on.

It’s at this point most students realise they should have spent less time sinking jägerbombs in  their first term, or writing articles for certain student newspapers (none specifically mentioned), and more time in the ASS.

However, it’s not all tears! The Tab has created a comprehensive guide on how to see the brighter side of life following exam results.

Get Plastered?

Simple, easy to do and you will likely have company! You can lie to one another on individual marks and all agree on how each of your exams were totally unfair. Drowning your sorrows in a cold pint or glass of rosé will allow you to forget that 2:2. Conveniently, there is a Spoons opposite the Will’s Memorial Building to ensure there is a short transition time from collecting your results and remembering that you have wasted your first term.

Expect large queues this week

Join a Sports Team? 

Not everyone can excel in the classroom – that’s why there are sports teams! Now could be the time to bring out your inner athlete and prove you are actually good at something. However, if the sport socials are too much for you, then it is also a good time to get jacked in the gym. Failing this, there are always the fictional sports (Dodgeball, Ultimate Frisbee and Korfball) to keep yourself occupied for the remainder of the year.

Why not join a sports society? Photo: Barracuda Website

Get a Job?

Just maybe not at BAE Systems, unless you want protesters following you around

Having realised you are now unlikely to get that graduate job you had been eyeing up for months, it might be an idea to get some work experience. The academic life is not for everyone but you can at least get a head start on the ‘nerds’. Gain real world experience that future employers (not that you stand a chance anyway) appreciate and earn some money at the same time.

Buy Stuff?

It has been scientifically proven that buying stuff when upset makes you feel much better. Order those clothes you have had ‘saved’ on ASOS for months or a new decoration for your room. This will keep your mind occupied and make you forget that you are unlikely to get an internship next year.

Meet ‘the one’?

Both sexes fall fowl of doing poorly in results. Therefore, it is likely there is someone out there looking for your company. Be that shoulder to cry on as they weep about how they have disappointed ‘Mummy’ and ‘Daddy’ and will be unable to go into the family business (heck, as if results matter). But anyway, students following exam results will be looking to express their emotions to a lucky partner, and that partner could just be you.

Be that shoulder