There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a basic bitch

So what I like Michael Kors

basic beauty birmingham bitch fashion love selly selly oak the tab birmingham the tab brum

It’s a comment said in hushed tones by girls hating on other girls: in the toilets at Fab, the changing rooms at Topshop, or during a marathon Instagram stalking session with your BFF. 

It’s meant as an insult: slang for a girl who follows the pack and makes little effort to be different. In reality, it’s so much more. I am a self-professed basic bitch. Take one look at me and you’ll spot acrylic nails, a Pandora bracelet, a black Michael Kors handbag, and evidence of a Sleek contouring kit somewhere in my makeup bag – all the ingredients you need to whip up one low-fat no-foam basic bitch-uccino.

Delve deeper into my life and you’ll discover an obsession with Taylor Swift, a subscription to spin class, and a penchant for slapping on some false eyelashes, chugging some Blossom Hill, and heading to Vodbull for a night of singing and dancing with my #squad. Turn to “basic bitch” in the dictionary and you’ll see a picture of me, smiling and clutching my Kimye edition of Vogue.

Is it even your birthday if you don’t put on a tiara and take lots of selfies?

It doesn’t get more basic than going to Ayia Napa with your #squad

I didn’t know I was a basic bitch at first. I thought I was different, edgy even. But then I slowly realised things I thought of as every day necessities (emojis, following every Victoria’s Secret model on Instagram) were actually symptoms of basic-bitch-itis. But is this something I shy away from, trying to hide my basic qualities like I hide my copy of 50 Shades of Grey behind the more intellectual books on my bookshelves? The hell it is.

While I do object to the phrasing of the term (bitch is a degrading word, unless you’re using it as an acronym for Babe In Total Control of Herself, of course), I am proud of all the qualities that define me as a classic BB. These things are only considered basic because they’re beloved by most girls aged 15-30, and for them to be that popular, they must be amazing.

MAC is bae

What’s wrong with loving Taylor Swift, the girl-power queen of all things pop? Why shouldn’t we gush over a certain gourd-flavoured Starbucks when they’re just so delicious? Why can’t we get our nails done and cover ourselves head-to-toe in every MAC product we can get our hands on if it makes us look fabulous?

I am proud of being a BB because I am proud of having fun, looking good and living my best life. So if you feel this way too, stop trying to hide away, embrace your more fundamental qualities, watch another episode of Gossip Girl, swig some Malibu, fill on those brows and just do YOU.