Will Heilpern

Will Heilpern
Cambridge University


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Revealed: Which university is the cheapest?

London doesn’t get a look in

The popular kids at school called me a swot: Now I’m in Miss England

Laura is smarter, prettier and much more kind than you

Is your degree a waste of time and money?

Almost two thirds of grads say they’re underemployed

Not even our parents can afford to pay soaring university fees

The bank of mum and dad is running dry

UCL postgrad resigns from PHD over Tim Hunt sexism scandal

He called the ‘high clergy’ at the uni absurd

Head at posh school tells girls Uni is a waste of time

Why did you even bother filling out that UCAS form?

Will this space-bound Oxford finalist be crowned King of the Nerds?

He’s in the running to go to Mars

Girton Spring Ball 2014

WILL HEILPERN thoroughly enjoys a superb party, filled with considered decadence and touching subtlety

DO ONE DAVID WILLETTS: Cambridge students tell Uni minister to ‘Fuck Off’

Controversial Tory Uni Minister David Willetts has been told to ‘Fuck Off’ by students at the Cambridge Union Society this evening.

Uni says Pad Bye to Dojo’s Noodle Bar

Plans are underway to axe the cult noodle bar in favour of new graduate accomodation.

CUSU, no one wants you!

Apathy towards student politics has reached an all-time high in Cambridge, as most of the positions in this year’s CUSU elections aren’t even contested.

Students Gawk as Hawking Announces Caius May Ball Theme!

Watch our exclusive video of Stephen Hawking announcing the theme for Gonville and Caius May Ball 2014

Cocaine Found In The Cambridge Union!

Coke, stock, and two smoking nostrils: we found cocaine in the Cambridge Union!

Russell Brand Calls on Cambridge Students to Lead the Revolution

Russell Brand caused some controversy whilst calling for REVOLUTION in Cambridge.

Willi Really? Prince William To Become a Cambridge Student

The Duke of Cambridge is set to become a full time student of Cambridge University in time for the start of Lent Term.

Varshity Accommodation: student electrocuted as cleaner attacks others with beer bottles

Chaos erupted in Varsity accommodation last week when a classicist was electrocuted and other students nearly got bottled by a cleaner.

Bomb Scare in City Centre

A Bomb threat in Lion Yard is currently being dealt with by emergency services and a bomb disposal robot

Cambridge Are Set To Accept Every Student With A*AA

Under radical new plans, Cambridge University are changing their entrance criteria

The End of Life as We Know It?

Cambridge’s “Worst Club”, The Place, set to get revamp in time for Freshers’ Week.

The Worst Club in Cambridge?

It’s time to settle that age-old debate once and for all: which is Cambridge’s worst nightclub? Click here to cast your vote!

Ms Dynamite to Headline Corpus Christi

Corpus announce Ms Dynamite as their headline act at this year’s May Ball, accompanied by Akala and the Correspondents.

Girton Geeks Hack Worst College

HACKED! Girton hackers have cheated The Tab’s innocent ‘Worst College’ competition.

Jesus Dinosaurs Extinct

Students at Jesus College were sad to see their giant dinosaur artwork removed from Library Court.

Uni Proctor Flips After Being Floured

A University Proctor was doused in flour and Cava outside physics exam earlier this week.

Cambridge Tops Yet Another League Table

The University of Cambridge sits pretty at the top of the Guardian Higher Education league table, having retained its crown for the third year running.

The Futureheads to Play Clare May Ball

The Futureheads are the final act to join King Charles and Correspondents as headliners at Clare May Ball 2013.

University Fined in Court for River Pollution

The Uni are to be fined £28,000 for polluting the River Ouse, a court finds.

Maverick Sabre to Headline Jesus May Ball

Jesus May Ball 2013 will host soul singer Maverick Sabre, as Radio DJ MistaJam headlines the DJ set.

The Lily SoCole Network

Cambridge grad Lily Cole steps into the world of social media, with an app just for Cambridge students.

Fur-get Stress: CUSU Hosts Petting Zoo

Bunny bonanza: CUSU Welfare eases exam pains with mid-May petting zoo.

Boris St. Johnson Breaks His Silence

Boris St. Johnson speaks out about his controversial three years at Cambridge…


Police are promising a Caesarian Sunday crackdown after negotiations break down between the Caesarians and Jesus College.

Oarful Oxford Lands BBC In Deep Water

The BBC are under investigation by Ofcom after Oxford’s cox swore during the Boat Race.

Hero cox lands Beeb in hot water

The BBC under investigation by Ofcom after Oskar ‘Godzilla’ Zorilla swore during the Boat Race.

Dalai Lama To Visit Cambridge

The Dalai Lama will continue his tradition of visiting Cambridge every twenty years with a trip to the university next weekend.

UL To Archive Every UK Website…Ever!

Tweets, Facebook posts and billions of web pages will be forever preserved by the UL, as of today.

Boatie Psycho

A morning in the life of Patrick Boatman, a rower whose psychopathic tendencies cannot be contained by his college lycra…

A Dangerous Cult?

Amidst reports that the ADC Is a “closed stage”, WILL HEILPERN puts his life in danger and uncovers a sinister cult at the heart of Cambridge’s theatreland.

Interview: Rob Rouse

WILL HEILPERN talks to stand-up comedian and ex-Geography teacher ROB ROUSE about urban ducks, his ‘radical feminism’ and the purpose of comedy.