10 Things You Should Have Done By Now

The Tab's take on post-freshers milestones

So, it’s six weeks since freshers and we at The Tab have looked back through the mists of time to our first year antics. Consider this as inspiration, a bucket list for your freshers year.

1. Developed bizarre eating habits. Pot noodle with hot dogs, toasties with bolognese sauce and cheese on EVERYTHING. You will also find your morality over foodstuffs changes slightly. When you’re using 39p Aldi vinegar-disguised-as-ketchup and your flatmate has left their delicious Heinz staring you in the face, its obvious what’s about to go down.

Such glamour

2. Wondered why Jesters and Sobar are so popular and immediately realised after going out with the Joey Essex wannabe local population. Alcoholism is a minor side effect of this, as the awful music and smell are masked after numerous £2 doubles.

3.  Had a one night stand and regretted it. Southampton isn’t that big a place and you WILL see them again. Expect many awkward hellos and the classic “cross the road to avoid eye contact” manoeuvre

Portswood High Street, 8:30 PM

4. Chundered every-wah. Its difficult to walk through campus without overhearing an anecdote about the previous evenings escapades, don’t feel left out and tell all your coursemates how hilarious it was when you vommed on the U1.

5. Done a walk of shame. Whether you pulled or not, rocking up to your lectures stinking of booze, nursing a hangover and still in fancy dress is a student stereotype. A walk of shame can be promoted to a “stride of pride” if you did in fact woo someone with your amazing drunken chat and dancing tekkers.

6. Bunked lectures. It was raining, it was cold or I just couldn’t be bothered. Some of the many reasons I have not been to lectures and I’m sure there are so many more

Yum, “chicken”

7. Sampled Southampton’s fine late night eateries. Whether its a delicious box of chicken from Chick-O-Land or a more sophisticated sit down meal in Manzils, fine cuisine at 2AM is always appreciated.

8. Procrastinated. We at the Tab would never encourage this, obviously, but for some students there are so many things more entertaining than work. Facebook stalking that girl on your course, alphabetising your textbooks and even cleaning your room are all entertaining distractions.

9. Become nocturnal. Going out every night for two weeks will do that to your sleeping pattern. As you wake up later and later, your day stretches into the night. Next thing you know, you’re sat up watching Peep Show on 4oD till three in the morning, wondering what daylight looks like.

10. Actually done some work. OK, maybe not, but on the off chance you’ve written an essay, I bet you moaned to anyone who would listen about it. Tab Top Tip: Don’t moan about your heavy workload in the library as a belligerent third year will probably beat you to death with your own textbooks.

Have we missed anything? Comment below with your tales from first year.

  • Not So Fresh

    Number 2 so much.

  • Bleh

    Some articles is so poorly written…

    • Grammar Police

      Is they though..

Heard something newsworthy?

, Soton Opinion Editor of The Tab

In Pictures: DEVASTATION as Storm Imogen batters Southampton

Hell hath no fury like a woman storm

Pre-Drinks are the best part of the night

It’s better than clubbing

, Soton News Editor of The Tab

If you went to state school you get more out of uni

You know how the world really works

, Assistant Editor, The Tab

Every conversation you’ve ever had on your family Whatsapp group

Why does Dad use so many full stops?

, Argument Editor

Every awkward moment after a couple in your friendship group break up

Is it acceptable to start a new WhatsApp group without him in it?

Experts say you shouldn’t ride elephants in Thailand

A tourist was killed, and the animals are often unhappy

, Contributing Editor

More people should tell Chris Martin that he’s awful

It’s the right thing to do

, Chief Reporter

Sushi could be the key to getting a second date on Valentine’s Day

Is raw fish really an aphrodisiac?