Why cocktails will always be better than nights out

OK, in all honestly this is an article coming from a very hungover, very tired and therefore maybe a slightly biased writer, suffering the consequences of a messy night. My veins are warm, my eyes are stingy and my stomach is queasy and even the whiff of food right now is enough to make my stomach churn. Yet, we students are expected to get on with our days, attend our classes, do our essays, attend our social activities and maybe even go to work – all the while rethinking every decision we made the night before.

I recently read an article from a fellow tab writer arguing all the various downfalls of going for cocktails and I just can’t agree. I am strongly pro-cocktails and here is why.

Nights out are just as expensive

A typical night out requires several disorganised stages that result in your purse gradually emptying out. It’s gradual and therefore more subtle and less detectable at the time – but every bit as real. Every place can rip you off and you will always wake up thinking how the hell did I spend that much money?

You will begin your night with a taxi to pres, where you will proceed to drink your £10 bottle of alcohol in record time. This will require your best efforts to not vomit while pretending you are enjoying this upchuck-inducing experience. All this so you can get as drunk as possible before you get to the club/ warehouse/ barnyard/ fishbowl or whatever is cool now.

Then you have to hustle the troops and organise the chaos that is getting everyone into a taxi to get to the club, where you proceed to wait 15 minutes in the freezing cold to pay £5 to get into a dark, grimy room where you need to pay to store your coat and bag so no one steals them.

Down it fresher

You probably didn’t get drunk enough at pres so you’ll need to spend some more money on some fake Smirnoff or Jäger and drink it out of plastic cups you aren’t quite sure have been washed. But then, good news – the highlight of the night is here: the ordeal that is bumping around a claustrophobic dance floor with a hoard of sweaty strangers, where, if you like it or not, you are mainly just trying really hard not to spill your drink, lose all your friends or drop your phone.

When the lights come up and reveal the hideousness that is this scene, the DJ and bouncers will not so politely tell you to clear off.  You will most likely then conclude this delightful spending spree with a taxi home (likely a rip-off black cab as that’s all you could find) and a greasy cheesy chip (or worse – a pricey impulse dominoes order).

Just because you know you are a grimy student who hasn’t done a wash since your mum last came up to visit, doesn’t mean the world has to. You can invest your student loan into trying your best to seem like a semi-functioning member of society, and attending a nice classy cocktail bar is the way to do it. The whole experience from start to finish is just so much nicer.  You will arrive at the bar and breeze in, no waiting in a freezing queue, no threatening bouncers eyeing you up to make sure you and your friend aren’t too drunk to get in and no ridiculous entry fee. When you get in you can find yourself a nice table where you will proceed to sit and actually talk to each other over the reasonable level of background noise.

Cocktails are sophisticated

Then, you get to order a few drinks. Yes, these drinks will be more expensive that a shot of apple sourz, but that is because they will contain nice ingredients, such as branded alcohol and fresh, sweet tasting fruit juices. They will be topped off with some extravagant, fancy decoration that makes you feel successful and sophisticated. You will proceed to sit back down and talk to your friends, you will learn about their lives and other information relevant to them: this is called conversation. It is one of the perks of not going to a club where the music is too loud and you are all too drunk to have a coherent chat anyway.

The evening will conclude and you will discover you have spent just as much as you would have on a messy night out, except you were aware of what you were spending the whole time so you won’t get hit with that sinking feeling the next day when you see that not only did you spend your “emergency money”, but you also managed to find an ATM that irresponsibly gave you the money you were going to spend on a grocery shop, or electricity.

You can actually bond with your pals

You will have managed to converse with your friends, you will have learnt about their lives and they yours, you will have laughed and bonded and you will arrive home in a pleasantly buzzed state that allows you to wake up the next morning and not feel like a you were hit by a train last night. All the while, you will have some nice pictures of you and friends that don’t include someone whiteying in a toilet or falling over on their way down the stairs. Your clothes will smell nicer and your belongings will be attached to your person, and not have been handed in behind the bar last night.