Why you should, in fact, NOT want to work in retail

You most certainly cannot come in hungover.

Having to stand for a minimum of four hours straight with a banging headache, gripping on to the shop’s counter for balance, dealing with question after question and trying to act like a living person, is not ideal. I learned my lesson on coming into work hungover when I almost fainted while serving a customer. “Sorry, 2 seconds”, I said as I dropped to the floor and spewed vodka back up. This is 100% NOT good customer service.

Ridiculous questions.

Never in my life have I heard such soul destroying questions that honestly make me question humanity.

*Shop opens at 9am*

*You start work at 9am*

“Are we not actually allowed to buy things till 11?” says a customer

Yes, that’s right, you can’t actually purchase anything until 11 o’clock. Don’t mind me though, I’m just standing here for the absolute sake of it. A true face-palm moment.

That isn’t even the worst of it.

Patience.

Then comes when you have to bite your tongue once being asked these questions. But it’s even worse when you get the rudest customer in store who treats you like a slave to retail, or blames you for something that is in no way, shape or form your fault – 5p bags for example, take that up with the government please and thank you -. Or those who have absolutely 0 manners. They cost less than the product you’re buying.

I don’t set the prices.

Like with 5p bags, take that up with the actual company, I am just a sales assistant. Please also do not try and haggle with the price, because this high street store that I work in, isn’t a Turkish market. I also could not care less that elsewhere sells this cheaper, off you trot there then!

It’s a retail store, funnily enough, not a tourist information office.

Sometimes you get that odd one who wanders in off the street looking clueless, only to ask you where ‘The Cathedral’ is. Firstly, there is at least more than four Cathedrals in Glasgow, you could be a bit more specific, secondly, I really don’t have a clue because I’m not actually a tour guide of Glasgow and thirdly, since you came in with a smart phone visibly in your hand, why not Google it like most humans do these days.

Then when you reply ‘Sorry I’m really not sure’, they look at you as though you just don’t want to tell them.

Christmas isn’t Christmas.

Not even ‘Elf’ would get you in the mood for the festive season, after coming out of a Christmas Eve shift. You will actually begin to dread this time of the year, as you once again slave away for others, with no breaks, constant gift-wrapping and mess.

However, not all retail jobs are like that. But, the majority of them are.