The News From The Dark Blues

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Oxford's JAMES ROTHWELL keeps you up to speed with what's big in The Other Place.

First of all, Oxford’s had a media scandal all of its own.

Our Corpus Christi’s JCR has refused to stock copies of The Oxford Student after an investigation landed in the Mail, Telegraph, and the Mirror, recounting the debauchery, cronyism and casual misogyny of everyone’s favourite whipping boy, Oxford University Conservative Association.

That’s right; the boys in blue had stopped masturbating frantically over portraits of Margaret Thatcher to throw together a motion condemning the vicious and immoral behaviour of the newspaper. Imagine! Student journalists exposing corruption. How dare they, those disingenuous, repugnant bastards.

But don’t worry chaps! Some bright spark decided to clear OUCA’s name for good, and fabricate a damning Proctor’s report on the OUCA Wikipedia page. After all, if you were caught out in public, you wouldn’t be stupid enough to own up, would you? No, you’d bloody well set the world to rights on Wikipedia. Yes, you would.

Meanwhile, it would appear that University College’s Dean has had enough with the rampant debauchery that invaded his college at the start of the year. After a couple of padawan lads had too much Lambrini and chundered all over their bedrooms (and all over the college, and all over the bathrooms, then after a quick strawpedo, in their bed and their sink alternately)  the Dean put his foot down. Compulsory alcohol sessions, for all! He demanded. They obeyed. Tears were shed in the bar.

Now a sombre point, which I won’t embellish, as I’ve already spent the majority of this column pirouetting on the verge of libel.
St Peters’ Steven Rawlings was found dead last week, prompting a barrage of media speculation and some dubious claims about the circumstances of his death. Students and academics alike have paid tribute to Rawlings, who was a popular and extremely talented member of the college.

In other news, Oxford’s police force are trying to set up a laughable Party Patrol to shut down impromptu gatherings in student houses, while Magdalen took the very PC decision to blanket ban all rusticated (sent down) students, including those absent on medical grounds, from this term’s ball.


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  • TPJ

    If they were a bit busier with their U21's training I'm sure they wouldn't have all these problems…

  • Winston

    I don't understand what has happened. The Oxford Student published an article about OUCA which ended up in th mail and so on, and OUCA complained in response. Alright so far, but what's the significance of one of them making up a proctor's report on the OUCA wikipedia page?

  • boris

    Thry don't seem to be claiming that it was an OUCA member who edited the Wikipedia page. That might seem like the obvious answer, but we shouldn't assume it was one of them. They can't be all that bad after all.

  • Basil

    No one's accusing OUCA of fabricating the report, but according to the edit history of the OUCA Wikipedia page, someone made a post stating that the Oxford University proctors had condemned the Oxford Student for biased, agenda-based reporting.

    But- the proctor's investigation into the OxStu article and into OUCA is still ongoing.

    So yes, it is very curious indeed that someone might already know the outcome of the proctor's investigation before it has been concluded. So, either some silly fool in bed with the University proctors took it on himself so tell the world their verdict before it was made, or someone decided to make a pretend proctor's report to incriminate the paper. Either way….Grim.

    • Orlando Gibbons

      Actually I think you'll find OxSTu are the largest distributors of glory hole making paraphenalia? And actually OUCA is obselete #youranidiotwhoknowsnothingaboutoxford

      • PoorOrlando

        "OUCA is obselete"


  • Anon

    i don’t want to kill you, only maim or seriously injure….actually, I was right with kill.

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