Durham Students Warned to Stop Masturbating in Showers


Durham students have received letters asking them not to masturbate in their college showers.

Durham students have received letters asking them not to MASTURBATE in their college showers.

Notices were pinned to walls inside several Durham colleges informing students that the Estates and Buildings manager had discovered “blockages to be caused by what we have now determined to be semen.”

The letter describes masturbation in the showers as “intolerable” and threatens DNA testing to catch the culprits if the problem continues.

Finally, students are encouraged to masturbate “in the comfort of their own rooms, rather than in the showers.”

The notice, which was discovered by Catz freshers on a trip to Durham, is signed by Peter Robinson, the Senior Manager of Durham’s Estates and Buildings Department.

@TabCambridge
  • James

    Joke letter to a joke uni

  • Darius

    hahahaha durham what a joke!!! why would you EVER go there??? hahahaah!!!

    • Dariuslovesit

      sorry but what poly do you go to?????? just cause you have s**t for brains

  • http://masturbacja-onanizm.blogspot.com konia

    got to admit, Durham have a sense of humor! :)

  • Pingback: Newnham Nookie « THE TAB – www.cambridgetab.co.uk – All the latest Cambridge University news online()

  • Toff

    Cambridge has far more wankers in it than Durham so this is clearly a joke. Isn't Cambridge a Uni that's made of Oxford retards? Actually that's rhetorical because it's true.

    • uwishuweratoff

      Can't be Oxford RETARDS… or we'd be at Oxford. If you mean Oxford REJECTS… well, if we'd applied to Oxford rather than Cambridge, which isn't possible in the same year anyway, then this is more grammatically correct if total bollocks. But Durham now… anyone at Durham got rejected by both. Let's face it.

  • hunter

    fail troll is fail

Heard something newsworthy?

Cambridge has a huge class problem

You don’t need to be embarrassed if you grew up in a house with a dining room.

Tab Top Ten: Date Spots

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, we bring you Cambridge’s bestest hangouts for the perfect romantic date.

, Assistant Editor, The Tab

Every conversation you’ve ever had on your family Whatsapp group

Why does Dad use so many full stops?

, Argument Editor

Every awkward moment after a couple in your friendship group break up

Is it acceptable to start a new WhatsApp group without him in it?

Experts say you shouldn’t ride elephants in Thailand

A tourist was killed, and the animals are often unhappy

, Contributing Editor

More people should tell Chris Martin that he’s awful

It’s the right thing to do

, Chief Reporter

Sushi could be the key to getting a second date on Valentine’s Day

Is raw fish really an aphrodisiac?