The nine stages of navigating your way around the new Faculty of Arts Building
Can confirm, the FAB is not fab
The Faculty of Arts Building, otherwise known as the FAB, is by far the most complicated building I have ever attempted to navigate myself around. There. I said it.
If I had a pound for every time I had a message from a friend or saw a story saying, “I’m lost in the FAB”, I’d honestly have enough money to buy some sort of trail mix from Rootes Grocery to use to track my way around the building, as I hopelessly search for my final destination. Actually, I’d probably have enough money to buy it from Pret.
Don’t get me wrong, the new building is very snazzy and I’m glad to be out of the manky old Humanities building #Ugliestbuildingoncampus but honestly I feel like I need to whip out a SatNav just to find my new seminar room.
So, because I desperately need other people to feel my pain, and for those of you who have yet to step foot inside the FAB (hi Stem students), here are the stages of trying to navigate your way round the building. I hope you feel as stressed as I did just writing this.
Stage 1- Enter the building
Approach the building. Easy. Enter the building. Not so easy. Do I open one of the normal side doors with my student ID card and look like a boring loser, or do I risk the revolving doors and pray no one jumps into my little compartment with me? Also how am I supposed to know if it’s that kind of the revolving doors that you push or it doesn’t move, or it’s the kind that moves automatically and touching it makes it freeze and pisses everyone else off?
Already stressed by the door, I take the safe option and follow someone else in through the normal side door. Nailed it.
Stage 2- Staircase #1
Okay so I’m in, and I’m immediately struck by a massive wooden staircase, right next to the normal steps. Literally what is the point of these? Guess it’s Warwick’s version of the Gossip Girl Met steps? Anyway, up the first stair case I go to floor one…
…Or so I thought. Turns out this is some sort of half way house floor, like a floor nought point five. Great, time for more steps.
Stage 3- Staircase #2, #3, #4…
A second flight of steps means I can definitely count this as my cardio for the day, and skip going to the gym. Having trekked up to the first floor, I scout around for some sort of sign to tell me what’s on this floor. Am I in luck? Nope, of course not.
A quick check of my phone tells me I’m meant to be on floor three, which means TWO more staircases to climb. Ffs.
Stage 4- Sweating
By the time I reach what I’m praying is the third floor, I am sweating like a pig. For some reason, Warwick finally decided to heat one of its buildings, and decided it should be the one with all the stairs. Sweat patches it is, then.
My thighs are burning, my quads are aching and I’m genuinely wondering why there aren’t benches at the top of each staircase for me to recover at. Is this what Gold D of E would’ve felt like, had I not stopped at Bronze?
Stage 5- Just give me a sign!
Now I’m on a new floor, I look around again for a sign telling me which rooms are on this floor and in which direction. Alas, this is in vain. I’d write a suggestion for direction signs to pop into the FAB building suggestion box but I doubt I’d even be able to find it at this rate.
I guess it’s time to wander.
Stage 6- Is this a scene from Mean Girls?
There’s a lot of random pockets of tables, with students chatting and working. And whilst I’m impressed a Warwick building has actually included some study spaces, I can feel peoples’ judgy eyes staring at me over their MacBooks as I desperately try to hide how out of breath I am from the stairs and try to act like I know where I’m going. I’m definitely not successful.
Walking past them as I’m clearly lost is quite frankly mortifying. My only solace comes from the fact that thankfully the majority of them are probably Arts students, so who are they to judge?
Escaping the judgy looks, I end up turning down three wrong corridors and find a random side staircase- terrified at the idea of more exercise, I flee. It’s time to bring out the big guns.
Stage 7- MyWarwick App
Thank god I have my trusty MyWarwick App, a fan favourite of every fresher. Am I losing a little bit of pride using it as a third year student? Yes. Do I mind? Nope, I’m too lost to give a shit.
I search the room I’m looking for into the map section of the app… and it comes up with nothing. If MyWarwick has no clue, I’m really screwed.
Stage 8- Cry
Okay I didn’t actually cry, but I was lowkey close. I couldn’t even see any members of staff to help me find my way. It was in this moment of deep and dark despair that I wished I was back in the old humanities building. Yup, that’s how bad things got.
Stage 9- Success
Apparently in your deepest and darkest hour, trying one more corridor seems to work and I eventually managed to find my room. Result. Time to sit and rest my weary legs for a couple of hours before I have to make my descent.
Honestly this was one of the most stressful experiences I have ever had at Warwick. And I’ve got the U1 back to Leamington after POP! before. Rip, old humanities 🙁