Zinc, breaking into Glasto and everything else you can relate to if you grew up in Somerset

Technically not quite north enough to include edgy Bristol, and not quite South enough to fit in stylish Exeter, Somerset has some charm of its own.

The towns within Somerset are small and picturesque, populated by unruly teens who drink cider outside the youth centre and slow moving pensioners who wander around your local M&S.

With so little to do growing up, Somerset meant making your own fun.

We have not-so-lit field parties

Cans of Thatcher’s and shagging in tents in Nynehead Woods – what do you mean we have no nightlife? This was the highlight of your Year 10 social life but has possibly left you with mental scarring from hearing all that tent sex. If it was really a mad one you’d throw one of your friends’ belongings in the fire.

But, not all of these fields were public property and this often lead to you and your mates getting chased off of someone’s land at 1am (they may have also had a gun if they were a particularly angry farmer).

People always try to break into Glasto

You can understand the temptation. The town of Glastonbury is very nearby and it’s the event of the year – what’s a poor Somerset teen to do?

You always hear of someone’s mate or second cousin jumping the gates and somehow getting in but you know that’s probably a lie and actually most people who try it get thrown out pretty quickly. Funny that the biggest festival in the world would have decent security.

Zinc

The only club Taunton, the county town of Somerset, has to offer (since the tragic 2015 closure of Fever, R.I.P). Zinc greets you with a staircase that you really really worry about tripping up on (or you already have) and offers an amazing two rooms! The Tiki Bar or downstairs bar doesn’t count, you know why.

The smoking area is on the small side, but even that seems inviting after pressing up against the sweaty masses in the upstairs dance room. If you’re a tired clubber you can even get a few winks on the sofa in the ladies toilet.

Overall Zinc isn’t the best, but it’s heaven to Tauntonites when you’ve got fuck all else to do on a Wednesday night and only a couple of quid in your pocket.

It genuinely does smell of shit sometimes

You’ll be sat peacefully on the bus, imagining your life is a music video and watching the rolling hills – when it hits you. That pungent reek of manure just screams “home” to me. Nothing is more Somerset than those three seconds on the bus where you try to work out who farted, before remembering exactly where you live.

Everyone knows each other (or is related)

We’re all cousins

I genuinely know someone that kissed their cousin when they were a kid (thankfully before they knew they were cousins) because the towns in Somerset are just that small. Your friends are related to half of the town you live in, and those relatives seem to have stayed in this town for their whole lives. It’s not even that good – why are you still kicking about here Nana? Go to the Maldives or something!

Also there’s no way you can walk through the town centre make up free on a shit hair day, because you will see someone you know. Or ten people you know. And they’ll all be in Greggs because Greggs is the only activity that towns in Somerset have to offer.