What kind of Tab reader are you?

At The Tab, we have a very varied readership. However, it’s safe to say that those who love, loathe or are indifferent to our output fall into certain categories.

For everyone who takes an interest in our articles, there is someone armed with a detailed critique, or ready to kick off in the comments section. Here’s a comprehensive guide to the many types of Tab reader. Which one are you?

The Enthusiast

The enthusiasts barely have a bad word to say about The Tab. They read, like and share a surprisingly high amount of content. While this may annoy some of their friends and online ‘friends’, we can’t complain about their devotion to our efforts. They’ll probably engage with this article in some way.

The Tab life chose them

The “I don’t read The Tab” Tab reader

These individuals claim they never end up on this website because they are busy, it’s not “proper journalism” or they just can’t be bothered. The reality, however, is that a surprising number of the “I don’t read The Tab” brigade are at least semi-regular Tab readers, who will instantly drop you a message whenever your tweet or unflattering club photo gets used. See also: those who profess to “hate Corp” yet still drink their body weight in blue pints most Wednesdays.

The bandwagon jumper

Unlike “I don’t read The Tab” Tab readers, these people genuinely don’t tend to read The Tab, or consume much journalism in general. What’s the point when cat videos exist? Despite this, every now and then an article comes along that is just too “relatable” not to consume. It’s usually along the lines of “why my degree/type of course is harder than yours”, “every stage of a *insert name of dodgy local club here* night out” or, fittingly enough, “situations all first years will relate to.” Bandwagon jumpers don’t just read these articles, they share them on Facebook so their friends can share it as well. Rinse and repeat a few months later, with the next “relatable” piece.

The tagger

Like the bandwagon jumper, these readers are not regular, but when they do read an article they have to tag all their mates because it offers some sort of hilarious comment/observation that they agree with/a chance to reminisce about happier times.

The headline reader

This sort of Tab reader won’t have made it this far, or indeed clicked on the article. They just read the headline, make an assumption about the whole of the article and proceed to write a Facebook comment. After all, why know about something when you can just assume?

You can probably write a Facebook essay just based on this to be fair

The procrastinator

For some people, student journalism is nothing more or less than an excuse not to do work. If you’re meant to be writing an essay or doing reading and ended up here, this is you.

The debater

Also found in our comment sections are people with opinions that they absolutely can’t wait to get off their chest. These people will offer deep analysis of social issues based on what is probably just a light-hearted or blindingly obvious piece. Probably better suited to Question Time than the Facebook page of a student paper.

The keyboard warrior

The publication of most Tab articles brings with it at least one or two people who can’t wait to unleash their highly opinionated feedback. Usually this will involve an assertion that the commenter doesn’t care, a claim that the article isn’t interesting or newsworthy and/or LOTS OF CAPITALS. Usually a combo of all three.

TRIGGERED!!

There’s a lot to be angry about in the world at the minute. High levels of inequality and corruption. President-Elect Trump. The fact that “Honey G” is still getting more recognition and airplay at Code than all decent MCs combined. However, especially in light of the things that actually deserve strong responses, is it really worth getting that vexed about the views someone expresses in a Tab comment piece? Probably not. By all means disagree, debate and discuss, but there are likely to be matters far more worthy of your righteous rage.

The non-reader

There are, of course, lots of people who legitimately avoid The Tab altogether and haven’t even dropped us a like. At least sometimes, though, non-readers miss out on a thought provoking or genuinely funny piece.