The 12 inevitable truths about the UCL ski trip
Time for the nitty gritty truths of Alp D’Huez 2019
For many, disappearing into the Alps at the end of first term has been an annual event since secondary school, and it's never not been a messy one.
But at uni, the bar is raised, the authority figures are gone and alcohol no longer has to be smuggled in and drunk on the DL.
So, here are 12 inevitable truths about the UCL Ski Trip.
Tables, tables, tables
If you’re not standing on a table for at least 50 per cent of the ski trip you’re doing something wrong. When your boots aren’t clipped into your skis, they should be firmly planted onto one of Folie’s disturbingly unstable tables.
Aim of the game: try and injure yourself as little as possible when getting down from said table, really isn’t as easy as you think…
Is beer a vegetable??
As the nutrients in your body diminish from the lack of fruit and veg you're consuming, or the lack of any food (except bread and cheese) for that matter, you'll start to tell yourself that beer is a vegetable. You will consume so much of the stuff to ensure you can live with your poor, poor life choices that you'll almost start to believe it. Definitely counts when you put the peach syrup in it? Right??
'Boiiii that was a naughty drop'
Says every public school boy that you will inevitably encounter on your travels when Losing It comes on. Wow, we get it you like Fisher x
They literally deserve their own point as the trip is OVERRUN with them. No doubt they will tell you at least six times their family usually goes to Val D’Isere or Verbier every year, and how much better these resorts are than the budget ski trip ones.
They’ll also probably tell you about how they were on the school ski team, just in case you were doubting how good they are. Generally, to the dickheads who buy Champagne at Folie, congrats you’ve learnt how to spend Daddy’s money!!!
A personal posh boy favourite from this particular trip was when one guy lost his signet ring in the snow and then everyone spent 20 minutes trawling through slush to find it.
Health and safety just doesn’t exist
We've already mentioned how everyone stands on tables, but that’s far from the most dangerous activity. Besides the fact that you're sliding down the side of the mountain, drunk, with hundreds of other drunk university students, you'll probably take part in your university valley rally. Shock, this one requires you to start drinking at lunch time, throw yourself down hills, off ski jumps and carry out the most disgusting tasks imaginable. Super duper, safe! And, let’s not even start on how all the lifts feel like they’re about to break at ANY moment, or, how we all stumble home down icy roads from the clubs on the other side of town!
Basically, if you think you can come home from ski trip without a scratch, you're just lying to yourself.
From the start of the coach journey there, you will never not feel tired on the ski trip. Every day you get up nice and early to ski and then stay out till the early hours because Après never stops! This is not helped at all by the fact that you somehow get drunk twice a day? Trust, a nap won’t even touch the sides of how tired you get.
In budget ski resorts generally, good food comes with a hefty price tag. And even the naff food costs a lot. Therefore, baguettes will become your best friends. Never before has a vessel of carbohydrate seemed so diverse: it can hold cheese, meat, Nutella or maybe you’ll try a Alpine Delicacy ‘Le Sandwich Americain’ which is just a gassed-up chip butty.
Sadly, you will never escape the beautiful smells of damp and sweat. It doesn’t matter how often you shower, after day two, sweat is just ingrained into your salopettes and ski jacket. Meanwhile, your ski boots, which have previously been worn by every man and his dog, along with your 3-5 roomates' ski boots, will gas out your room with the pungent odour of damp. Lovely stuff!
Who needs a glass when you have a mouth?
The ski trip’s solution to single use plastics seems to be not using them at all. Why bother using a cup when you can just pour some awful spirit directly into someone’s mouth? Yes, its super unhygienic, and yes, most of it normally ends up on the recipients face and clothes, but does that stop us from doing it multiple times every night, no?
Be prepared to do anything for a shot
When money is in short supply but desire to get drunk is high, you will be prepared to do ANYTHING for a shot. Some of the best things done for shots in Alp D’Huez:
– Scream U C, U C L, U C fuckin L
-Nips out for the bar staff
-Hold a prawn in your mouth and slide down a hill
-Cover yourself in condiments
Just trust, you will do anything for free booze.
What better place to take all your clothes off than the Alps where temperatures are frequently below freezing? A question no one thought to ask as everyone was frantically stripping off left right and centre. Bar a bit hot? Get naked. Middle of the afternoon? Get naked. Instagram photo with the mountains? Get naked. Dare? Tell someone else to get naked.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
Between being taken out by drunken skiers after Folie, nearly being killed by a five year old pro-skiier at Marcels farm and making it home safe from La Taburle with the right skis, poles and your limbs in tact, you come back from ski trip with a whole new level of resilience previously unknown to uni student kind.
Discloser: Do not let this review put you off of your university ski trip – you do not HAVE to do the things mentioned in this article. Apart from put up with the smells and the food, they're inevitable.