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All the people who’ll piss you off in lectures

May as well just catch up on Vital

Semester two is well and truly underway, your resolution to attend every lecture is still going strong, however the urge to just stay in bed is creeping up on you; it's not just because of how boring American foreign policy is, it's because of all the people you wish didn't also trek in from Smithdown this morning.

The lecturer

Seems pretty obvious, but they all do something that grinds on you for two whole hours. Unable to use the Powerpoint they created? Making jokes only your dad would laugh at? Overrunning when you're desperate to make the 699 queue? Should've just gone to the SJ tbh.

Aggressive note-takers

The lecturer has spoken the grand total of one sentence and they've already filled half their note pad. Is this some sort of telepathy that they have with the lecturer? Even worse when they're typing so LOUD on their MacBooks. You know to eye them up carefully, so you can steer well clear of them in next week's lecture.

I wish I was back in bed

The questioners

The concept isn't bad at all; they're asking something that'll benefit the whole room, right? Not exactly, it'll be something irrelevant that they could've easily spoken to the tutor about afterwards. Sigh, could've skipped past this on lecture capture.

The gigglers

We were all guilty of chuckling our way through Physics classes in high school, but now you're doing a law degree and paying £9000 for this. They're almost as bad as those laughing in the silent area of the library. You're unashamedly sitting there, praying the lecturer calls them out, bringing out the goody-goody side within you.

Stop pissing around I beg

The late guy

That run across campus after being caught in traffic on the 86 is something most relate to, but this one strolls in so casually 25 minutes into the damn thing. Um mate, hurry along, you've made them stop talking about the really interesting bit in William Blake's life.

The person on Facebook/Twitter/any other non-academic site on their laptop

My mind is telling me to focus, my heart is telling me to watch the cute cat video you're playing in front of me. Oh well, guess this isn't the worst thing to sacrifice a 2:1 over.

The coughers

It's May, there's no cold going round, we did more convincing coughs to get out of PE lessons. Oh, and don't you begin a stream of coughs now.

the full array of seminar prep

It's nice to see you're soooo organised

The end-of-the-row takers

You arrived in the theatre first and now you're gonna have to get up every five seconds to allow someone in. Congratulations, you've played yourself.

The munchers

Nice bag of McCoys crisps you've got there, it would be a shame if you disturbed everyone by crunching on them so so loudly. Stop grazing, this isn't a buffet, it's a mechanical engineering talk.