Better music and cheap drinks: Why getting drunk at home is better than a night out in Level

A bottle of wine costs less than entry, it’s simple economics

alone clubs concert square drinking drinking alone level mixers nabzys night in night out predrinks town vodka wine

A classic LEVEL night is always the same. It’s getting late, no one can afford a taxi, and some heavy pres have rendered your decision making a tad impaired. You just want to get to somewhere familiar and easy, so some genius suggests Level. You arrive at the club after your wobbly walk to town, waste your money on the entry fee after the rude bouncers awkwardly check your ID – “guest list closed at 11:58, full charge” –  and you and your crew are finally inside.

Within minutes you realise your mistake. The over-sized club isn’t easy to navigate – you’re guaranteed to get lost as every corner you turn you’ll see yet another staircase, leading up or down, you swear that you remembered the way out but end up somewhere in Narnia.

But why hold onto your friend for dear life as they drag you through the hordes of people on a quest to get to Mordor, when you could skip the hassle of following the crowd to Level and just stay in, getting drunk, with your pals or even all on your delightful lonesome? No struggles of sore feet from walking miles to find the smoking shelter, just chill in your own place – you shouldn’t get lost there.

Fuk u level bed pls

We all have the friend who always get way too drunk on a night out, ending up either hurting or embarrassing themselves, or getting you all kicked out. When getting drunk alone, you don’t have to worry about holding back your friend’s hair whilst they vomit in the loos, kneeling on the urine-soaked floors with their hands and face on a toilet seat that risks transmitting god knows what. Instead, you do you. Don’t worry about drinking too much or being pushed to get another round of Levels’ finest £2 Vodka mixers. Why get all sweaty, tired, sore and messy when you can swap high heels for cosy socks, lads on the pull for Netflix in bed, and questionable take away for whatever food you desire, ’cause Nabzy’s just can’t compensate for the tragic night you’ve had at Level?

You can see the sadness in their eyes

Best of all, you don’t have to deal with the horror of LEVEL music choices. Who really knows what music they have, you just know it’s got to be bad. Crappy songs from your high school days (or maybe primary school, who knows). The crowds in LEVEL are the same – stuck in the deprived mind of a horny teenage ‘lad’ as they try so desperately to pull anyone whilst they jerk and stumble around to the weak beat and indecipherable lyrics of ‘Temperature’ by Sean Paul. And the top floor? Well, it’s clear that it tries too hard to be an edgy version of Popworld with a desperate attempt to be in-touch with modern meme culture. “Has anybody seen Shrek!?” the DJ proclaims as All Star by Smash Mouth punctures your eardrums. Tragic.

There’s no point in wasting your night listening to garbage when you could listen to any music you like. Whether it’s something different and niche, a cheesy guilty pleasure, or something like The Beatles to get you in that Liverpudlian mood, anything is better than the LEVEL playlist.

Remember when Phil Mitchell visited? That was weird

Getting drunk at home isn’t sad or lonely, even if you’re alone. You could even start off at a bar or pub, making the pub pre-drinks and your room the club. Don’t spend your money on expensive drinks – at home you can get your favourite drinks, mix whatever strange concoctions you desire, and you can drink as much as you want (or can do) and it will all still cost less than a double from LEVEL. Then when you’re good and drunk you can pass out peacefully in your bed. No taxi, no problem.

If choosing between going to Level and the Smithdown-sesh-of-solitude, getting drunk at home will always be far better than a night out in Level.