Every annoying thing you hear when you work behind a bar

Working behind a bar is definitely one of the hardest jobs ever, especially if you’re in uni. The long shifts and late nights, weekends stolen away from you that you could use to do work, customers that are rude or obnoxiously drunk could make you feel like way too much is on your plate.

With this, you’re cramming all your social life and uni work in throughout the week in order to keep your weekend free of stress and deadlines. It is a never-ending cycle, uni Monday to Friday and work Friday night to Sunday night, and the questions and comments from other people, be them uni friends or customers themselves, are the most irritating/comedic part of the whole shebang.

“You out this weekend?”

Unfortunately, this is something that is asked pretty much every week despite the fact you’ve been working every term weekend since uni began. If out means working a 12-hour shift behind a bar then yes, Lauren, I’m out once again this weekend.

this happened on a weekday

“I’m going to spend the weekend doing uni work, wanna join?”

Sorry, but I have to cram all of my essays into the week and leave weekends completely free for work pulling other people’s pints.

“Are you gonna go home for a weekend soon?”

Unfortunately, I cannot have a spontaneous trip home because I have to book four years in advance and weekends are the busiest time of the week, but maybe one day I’ll go home during term time.

“Can I order five drinks…oh and a Guinness please?”

This is one of the worst – yeah sure let me just spend another extra 10 minutes pouring a yeast drink that has to settle when you could have just told me at the start of your gigantic order.

WHY

“HOW MUCH IS THAT? THAT’S SO EXPENSIVE”

Literally go and tell someone who cares. Bet you’re going to pay for it anyway.

“Smile! It’s not that bad is it?”

You try and juggle a social life, a job and an education while only getting about four hours of sleep a night and then smile, you dickhead. It is that bad.

all fresh after 4 hours sleep

“Can I have eight pints of Fosters and let me shove my card in your direction so I can pay for them while you’re pouring them all”

Yeah sure let me just grow a third arm x

“Excuse me, I want to be served”

Usually shouted. You all want to be served but it’s done in order of who was waiting, oh and who isn’t demanding that they’re served.

this smile is fake

“I only want a water”

Yeah, and I only want to clock out so I guess we’ll both have to wait

“Can I have a discount?”

Do I even know you?

“Can I have my 5p change?”

Sure, you tight bastard, not like I have a degree to pay for or anything.